For quite a while, I’ve felt like I really don’t have a group of people that I can really call a core ‘community’. Yes, I’m a Christian, but I am tolerant of others’ choices for their own lives, even if I don’t understand them, or in some situations have any interest in hearing about them ( I don’t want to hear about anybody’s sexual interests… not. my. business.). I refuse to shun the person. Why do I have to believe the same as some other human? Just because they’re a pastor or Bible teacher doesn’t mean they got it right (just watch late night TV preachers… they cast a shadow of doubt on a LOT of Bible teachers, no matter what level.) I do believe that many are good pastors… but I won’t support any preacher who cherry picks which people are worth their compassion and attempts to understand. I won’t support any preacher who promotes intolerance. God made us all. Period. And we’re all flawed. Period. Not one of us is better than the other. Why do Christians tolerate intolerance? I don’t have to agree with someone to understand that the choices based on the free will GOD gave them is their prerogative- and it doesn’t have to be mine. I don’t have to shun them. I feel like an outcast most of the time. I feel shunned by the ‘shunners’. Add to that that the country is going down the tubes, and I really don’t like most people. Why do people insist on continuing to prove that they are best avoided? Or simply say they’re one thing, and then never back it up?
I haven’t been a regular church goer for a long time (work hours when I was working, then medical issues that make being away from home for more than a brief time logistically difficult). Now the folks who went to the church I grew up in will take THAT statement as the reason for all of my frustrations… but my personal faith in God/Jesus is stronger than ever. God is the only constant and hope I have, and HE is more than enough. I KNOW what it was like growing up in a subculture of evangelicalism- and as a kid I loved going to church. It was a great experience in the youth groups, choirs, teaching Vacation Bible School, working at the summer camp, and babysitting in the church nursery. I truly loved it. Since it was essentially my only source of social contact, there were no conflicts. I was still ‘one of them’. We all believed the same. For the most part. My folks enjoyed a glass of wine now and then, and dad might have a beer (one) once in a while, where as many were convinced that even one drink was a sin (drunkeness is a sin… a social drink is not, imho). But the ‘big stuff’ was all part of the church teaching. Without any personal thought involved. Back then, it was just how things were. I’m very thankful for a solid church upbringing (and the vast majority of my core beliefs are the same); it was a consistent environment. It just didn’t allow for exposure to the actual world as a whole. I had no idea that things could even BE all that different among other people.
As a kid, it really didn’t matter to me what or who was ‘in the real world’, since school and (figure) skating were my pretty much my only exposure to people who didn’t go to that church (there was the trip to Europe in the summer of 1977, where I first saw men openly holding hands while walking down the streets of Amsterdam, and hookers had storefront windows with literal red lights that glowed if they were ‘busy’). It was a time period where society wasn’t as cruel as it is now, and the anonymity of the internet wasn’t even on the radar- so any criticizing, mocking, and name-calling was done in person, and ONLY among very close friends- unless it was overt cruelty towards strangers. Thankfully, I didn’t get subjected to that sort of “Christian”. I was a kid, so not really expected to know any different. People were simply more decent, in my opinion. The ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ philosophy had little to do with anything related to sexual orientation in my world, but included politics, money, and religion when being amongst folks whose views weren’t already known. Why did people find it OK to reject others as ‘the enemy’ when they don’t even know them, most of the time based on assumptions from one comment?
Well, then I grew up. After nursing school, I moved 1200 miles away on my own to start out my life out from under the shadow of being “the principal’s kid”. I was not only in a different state and overall culture, but was in a city that had a huge variety of people whose demographic groups I’d never encountered. The first cross-dresser I ever saw was at a Walgreen’s checkout. He was buying the make-up for himself, which I hadn’t even thought happened , until he turned around and smiled politely at me with full face make-up (foundation, mascara, eyeliner, blush, lipstick). I was gobsmacked ! Where in the world had I landed? Why does the church exclude simply informing the high school kids (who are about to go out into the world, either in college, trade schools, or straight into the workforce? What about the various types of people in the world, and how best to show kindness? Why don’t they teach about using one’s brain to determine if a situation is safe- and not just a blanket “help your neighbor”? (That omission almost got me killed in January 1987). Though now, I guess evangelical churches have some exclusion clause to avoid anybody gay, who’s had an abortion, or is on food stamps. Those issues seem to earn rejection without regard to the person who is struggling because of them. Why is avoidance the way to deal with the world when we’re commanded to go INTO the world and preach the Gospel- or at least show the love of Jesus.
I was also a young nurse during the early years of the AIDS crisis. I’d never known anybody who was gay. Church hadn’t really mentioned homosexuality much, if at all. It was a ‘given’ that men loved women, and women loved men. Women wore makeup, men shaved their faces, and things were supposed to be all “Leave It To Beaver”. I knew the terms- polite and otherwise – for homosexuality and what it meant- but that was it. I had no clue that even in my own family, that there were those who were ‘different’ (neither of the two I knew back then were ‘out’ at that time, then two more became known when I was much older). I wouldn’t trade them for anything. All four (known) are/were (one is no longer alive) stand-up folks, and simply a joy to be around. Why shun an entire demographic group? Were they not also created by God? Why is it so hard to believe that there are gay Christians? The Bible shouldn’t be used as a weapon to inflict pain? (I’m not talking about instruction and correction, but context and approach are everything…).
I have no idea how many gay men I took care of who had full-blown AIDS (“HIV positive” really didn’t happen without already being very ill… the disease wasn’t identified until various symptoms of full-blown AIDS had already developed; now, better testing and antiretroviral meds enable those with HIV to live much longer, and with a decent quality of life). In the early years, HIV was an automatic death sentence. There was no hope at all, like there is today. Most of their families back then, and even their partners, had kicked them to the curb. Families were ashamed, and partners were terrified to be associated with someone who had “it”. But what I learned was that these human beings were going through horrific, long deaths, that left them just alive enough to realize they were never going to be OK, and that they’d been abandoned. Why shun those who need compassion? Would Jesus do that? I also learned about the dangers of stereotyping when an entire heterosexual and monogamous family died from AIDS after the wife gave birth to the son, but needed a blood transfusion- with blood that wasn’t tested for the virus back then- then breastfed her son, and had normal sex with her husband. All three died. Nothing they did had them ‘in the closet’, or on anybody’s ‘judgement’ list. I was beginning to understand that things weren’t always ‘this or that’, ‘black or white’, or even ‘because of’ assumptions. All of these people had names and stories, and there simply wasn’t time or desire to judge or hate. They needed compassion. Why not just reach out to anybody who is hurting, without judging?
Why are LGBTQ and abortion the only issues that fire up evangelicals ? Of course, life is precious. Yes, the Bible talks about homosexuality. But what about those babies who need healthcare throughout their life? Then it’s more like evangelicals are pro-birth. Not the church’s problem after that. Why doesn’t everyone deserve healthcare? Would Jesus turn away someone who was sick? Who are we to ‘declare’ that some deserve healthcare, and some don’t? What about equality among races? What about the issues with guns, prison reform, education reform, cleaning up the history books, etc? What about OTHER issues and sins? We all sin. We all will sin again. No sin is worse than others, except for one. We need to clean our own side of the street. We all need to confess our sins, and ask for the Holy Spirit to guide us. And it might take several times before we get some things under control- but we distract ourselves by looking at the faults of others when we have enough faults to sink our own ship.
Why the contempt for those who need help? There is an assumption that the majority of those on welfare or food stamps are just bums who don’t want to work- which is cruel. Why choose to believe the worst? It takes a LOT of hassles to get help ! And even then, it’s a sub-poverty existence. I’ve been on disability since 2004, and until I was eligible for Medicare 2 YEARS after getting Social Security Disability (not the same as the private employer-based disability insurance I paid for when I was working), I would have had to spend $2000 per MONTH before I was eligible for Medicaid benefits. Each month. That would have meant no apartment, utilities, medications, food, etc… AND, you have to have an address, so if you live in the car, there’s no address, so no benefits. So the government sets the income cut-offs for getting help to exclude the majority of people who need help. How does it make sense for someone who is medically disabled to not have access to medical care, including medications? Why are only some people worth taking care of? Would Christ look at someone who is sick, hungry, naked, and/or homeless and kick them to the curb? Not the Lord I learned about ! Remember the sheep and the goats? There is some belief that people in this country are taken care of no matter what. That is false ! People die here daily because they can’t afford medications or treatments. And it’s not just cancer. Why is that OK? This was from 11 years ago- can you imagine what it is now during unemployment during the pandemic?
Why can’t we just disagree, and not be told “Oh, it’s no big deal” (well, to me it might be !), or “get over it” (why should I, when the person who told me this is still complaining about Obama, and called Mrs. Obama the ‘n’ word repeatedly- from her evangelical tower?). Why can’t we just understand that everybody views things in different ways EVEN when we all believe in God (for those who do) ? There isn’t just one ‘flavor’ of Christian !! It’s a little like the four gospels- each author had a different viewpoint, but that doesn’t make any of them wrong ! Matthew was a tax collector. Mark never actually heard Jesus, but followed Peter, and interpreted for him when needed. Luke was a doctor. There is no consensus as to who specifically wrote the Gospel of John- as well as 1 John, 2 John, 3 John, and Revelations. But all four loved the Lord. Why is it so hard for Christians to understand – and tolerate- that the belief in Christ is so much more important than the specific issues that are argued about?
Why not believe in science? Who do Christians think created EVERYTHING that scientists study? What is wrong with using intelligence (God-given) to study things that God created, and then act on those discoveries? If not, we’d still think leprosy was only good for a trip to a colony, a woman on her monthly cycle should be booted out of the common bed and any furniture for 7 days, be making our own candles for light, riding horses, and shrimp on the barbie would be taboo, among a bazillion other things. Those rules were given by God for the time period when there were no treatments for leprosy, no sanitary products, and no cure for hepatitis A, and the rest. Same with the kosher dietary laws- they are all health related. You can ignore a tornado warning, and still get flattened. You can ignore science, and still have stuff happen. The Bible didn’t say exactly HOW some of the things during End Times would happen… but I bet there will be some that are now able to be figured out through science- those who wrote the Bible only had their frame of reference.
Why has it all ended up like this? And why does it seem like people would rather be nasty or “right”, or not understand that it’s OK not to agree on everything, even if we believe in the same God? That one baffles me. We are all PARTS of the same body. I’m just glad that God knows my heart- and those who judge me are really judging themselves. I might not tow the evangelical rope any longer (I prefer ‘non-denominational’) but I still believe in the same God of my childhood… and miss those who were part of it. It saddens me that the toxicity definitely doesn’t seem to be even close to coming from God (my opinion- I get that, just as others get theirs) Why is that so ‘bad’? Why has it become so much more preferable to simply avoid humans who don’t agree, or not bother to get to know some of them? The Great Commission would be a short assignment if all we do is preach to the choir.
Why do I never hear from folks who claimed to ask my dad about me, after I became disabled? I tried calling a few, and reached out to the church when I was still able to leave home (this stay at home stuff has been my normal for 16 years). But out of sight, out of mind- and I’ve gotten used to it. It’s OK now. I got tired of initiating everything… it was obvious I didn’t fit in anymore because I wasn’t just like them…those who had been church ‘family’. Even something as non-threatening as being disabled is blown off. Fortunately, I grew up without siblings, so the dog and I get through the days just fine. I thank God that He made me the way He did. In the long run, it really doesn’t matter what the excluders say. God knows my heart, and feels my pain. And that brings a lot of comfort.
I pray for all of the people I used to know. They were my frame of reference as a kid. I wish them all the best in everything they do, and that God blesses them more than I can even begin to understand. He is the author of love. He is the One who answers the ‘why’… though I may not get the answers as quickly as I’d like. But I know He’s got all of it under control in His timing.
Updated for 2020.