2012 in review- JillinoisRN

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,700 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 6 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Advertisements

Everlasting Moments

When I was 15 or 16 years old, I was into writing poetry.  One of the short ones was titled

“A Minute”

What is a minute in the course of eternity?

Every minute a life begins.

Every minute a life ends.

A minute is forever.

In going to the celebration service for Mary Kay Meeker, who died one month ago, I’ve realized that her lasting influence on me came in momentary interactions.  I first met her as a 8 year old 4th grade camper (I was always young for my grade).  For 7 summers, I looked forward to seeing Mary Kay. She was a constant, and someone who held attention by being attentive.  Then I spent 2 1/2 summers on summer staff at the same camp, and had longer (though still brief) periods of contact- and she never ‘wasted’ time she spent with anyone.  She made people feel as if they were the only one on the planet when she was talking with them.  When I saw her in July of this year, it was the same thing. We had probably 20-30 minutes together, along with her husband Greg, and it was like we had been in regular contact over the years and were simply catching up.  It was a very comfortable conversation that again made me feel like I mattered. And she is the reason I even made the effort to get there; my medical situation makes leaving home precarious- but she reassured me, and basically “told” me I’d get there and be just fine.  🙂

That was one of her gifts that I gravitated to the most over the years.  I didn’t feel much consistency at home, but at camp I could depend on Mary Kay to be her usual  (awesome) self.  She was incredibly talented in various performance arts- music/piano, ventriloquism, drama, skit-writing, etc…. and as much as those talents caught the attention of the campers (and the staff), her ability to interact with people on a 1:1 basis was beyond what I knew from all but a very few people.  During that time of my life, it made a huge difference in my relationship with God.  She was the consistency I needed in order to understand a consistent and loving God- even if I didn’t see her all the time, she was the same each year at camp. Very few people in my life have shown me that so steadily.

She was a solid frame of reference for living as a Christian in a way that started when I was a little kid- in a way that a little kid could understand.  She was able to apply Christ to various developmental stages, and that made the difference between telling a kid a story, and teaching a kid how to apply a life-lesson. The consecutive years at camp built on each layer of teaching from the year before, making a stronger foundation for my spiritual life and beliefs. It wasn’t lip service- it was walking the walk.  I’m still working on being better at that- she is one of a handful of people that I consider my spiritual base and role model.

Her death has been really hard, and I somehow don’t feel the ‘right’ to feel her loss as deeply as I have. I didn’t have a lot of contact with Mary Kay, though we had been in touch on FaceBook over the last few months of her life. And seeing her again in July of this year was like I had been at camp just days before. We had ‘moments’ of a relationship.  But she made moments count.  Her interactions had impact.  She didn’t waste her breath on pointless or unproductive speech.  She could be as goofy as they come, but there was a consistent message that God comes first, and He’s got it all under control. She was incredibly silly at times, but not at the expense of her commitment to God. She could be intensely deep in her dramatic skits- and yet it wasn’t some plastic display.  She was the real deal.

She is an example of how I want to live my life.  I don’t want to waste time on stuff that essentially useless, or possibly hurtful.  I don’t want to be one of ‘those’ Christians, who pushes people away from the faith we have in Jesus, and the promise of seeing each other again after death on earth.  I want to be able to incorporate the silly things into a joyful way of living that lets others know that God has me in His arms. (I do believe God has a sense of humor…. ever look at an emu up close?).  Even in her death, Mary Kay Meeker is showing me how to live.  Each moment counts.  Each moment can impact the rest of someone’s life.  I need to be responsible, and make those moments time that can be used by God for His good.  In the ‘end’, nothing else matters.

Driving Ms. Hazy

Very bad memories of nearly passing out in the drivers seat. While the car was moving. Limitations with sitting upright (and not moving around) for any length of time. Abnormal heart rates as a result of being in one position. Being confined to a sitting position with no chance to take ‘vertical’ breaks. Many, many episodes of actually losing consciousness because of the dysautonomia (dysfunction of the part of my brain that regulates involuntary bodily responses- blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, temperature control, etc.). While I’ve never passed out in the car, the times I’ve bitten the floor on solid ground are literally too many to count. (I don’t count well when I’m not conscious).  Having driven myself more than 5 miles one-way only one time in over 6 years.  Not exactly great associations with driving my car.

But I want to go to a celebration of a friend’s life at the end of this month. I want to be there. She died one week ago today, and the celebration is going to be about all of the good she contributed to the lives of thousands of kids and adults during her ministry at several places. For me, it’s mostly about a wonderful camp I attended as a kid, and then worked at during the summers of 1980, 1981, and half of 1982.  She was a major part of the camp being my spiritual home, then and now.  I want to be with others who are going to celebrate her life. It’s going to be a wonderfully positive gathering.

Yet I’m  quite nervous about driving the 50 miles, give or take, one-way, in order to be there.  I know that I have enough ‘warning’ when my body starts to act in weird ways that signal I’m in trouble and need to pull over. I know that the worst thing that can happen is that I’ll need to put the car seat back, so I can get the blood moving into  my head. I know that I’ve got my cell phone if I should get into major trouble. I know I’ve got my ‘as needed’ medications for many possible problems,  and assorted equipment to prevent getting overheated.  I know that I generally pack enough stuff to prevent or take care of  just about any medical condition known to exist, for the entire population of a small third world country.  I know that I’ve survived up to this point, and that the vast majority of things people worry about never happen.  In my head I know these things…my heart hasn’t caught up.

I know that God won’t abandon me, and that there is comfort in His presence. I know that this celebration is mostly gratitude about how He used this wonderful woman to extend His love for more than 40 years to so many kids. I know that I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).  I do believe that, and so I will go.  And I will still  be prepared for anything that could come up. That’s not a lack of faith, that’s common sense and being responsible. And I will ask God to knock a knot in my head when I get panicky, and bring me back to reality.

Sometimes I need to remember that I drove a 17 foot U-Haul  (total of 23 feet of truck including the cab) from deep in the heart of Texas back to my childhood home near Chicago, with only my dog- so no relief driver.  I had been diagnosed with the dysautonomia prior to that trip, and while I was much more stable then, there were still  risks, but I  made it in two days with no disasters.  Well, I did wipe out part of a McDonald’s drive-thru sign somewhere in Oklahoma, but the insurance took care of that- at least on the truck. 🙂  I need to remember all of the ‘day trips’ around central Texas that I used to take, with my camera and a ‘let’s go’ attitude.  Granted, I was healthier, but my driving skills are solid, and actually a little bit of ‘old fart’ in their adventurousness. Even my 80 year old dad will pull out on the road before I will if making a left turn onto a street without traffic lights.  I’m not a risky driver.  I’m a wuss.  So, I should be just fine.

Between now and then, I’ll get my stuff ready- ice vest, ice vest inserts, ice bandana ice packs, diabetic supply kit with insulin, any ‘as needed’ medicines for a variety of potential issues, a couple of bottles of water, a bottle of Coca Cola for any potential low blood sugar problems, insulated bag and ice packs for all of the cold stuff, wheeled walker with the seat, ad nauseum… I figure the car can serve as a tent if I get stuck somewhere, but I’ve also got a gizmo that will jump my battery if it dies out, so I’ve got that covered, too.   I have to get home in time for  my dog’s heart failure medicine; motivation to make this all go smoothly.

I’ll be so glad I decided to go to the celebration of her life.  She continues to be a role model for reaching out and grabbing opportunities to ‘be able’, and not live in a disabled world.  She continues to encourage me with my memories of her life.  The least I can do is show up to celebrate her. ❤

 

When Forever Breaks

In my nearly 49 year old nursey brain, I know that nobody stays on this earth forever. I’ve seen so many people die, I can’t count them all and I feel badly about that. I do remember some individuals that I’d gotten particularly close to, who had been at the places I’d worked for quite a while,  or who died from something uncommon. But for the most part, they were ‘just’ really sweet people whose bodies had given out.  I do remember feeling that their absence would be incredibly sad for their families and friends.  I spoke to many of them, and sometimes I was the one to give them the news. I always hated those phone calls.  Nothing good comes from a phone call in the middle of the night from a hospital or nursing home.

As I was growing up, I had the incredible fortune to be sent to summer camp for one week each summer to Timber-lee Christian Center in East Troy, WI.  Starting when I was 8 years old, and getting ready to start 4th grade (I was young for my class), I went every summer until I was 15, and getting ready to start my junior year of high school. I met some really neat people, and a few of them left lifelong impressions. When I got to work there in the summers on the ‘summer staff’, I was thrilled. The summer before my senior year in high school, freshmen year of college, and between the spring and fall semesters in college (1/2 of that summer), I spent up to three months working at camp- loving every minute of it. It was my spiritual home, and I learned more  about the love of God through Christians there than anywhere else. I still consider it the place where God became real to me.

I grew up in a solid church. The people there were very nice people, and there were several who were living examples of God’s love- but camp was different. I grew up with a mom who didn’t show much affection. She loved me (it took decades to really understand that), but I didn’t ‘feel’ it. As a kid, I didn’t know if she even liked me. It was all about her own ‘stuff’, and had nothing to do with me, but as a child, I had no frame of reference for what her life had been like- just what I saw in how she related to me.  She had lost two babies a couple of years apart, from the same newborn disorder, and she never even got to see them after they’d been born. That all happened a few years before I was adopted by her and my dad.   The death of a child who was never allowed to bond with a mom  does something to a mom. The bonding isn’t only for the baby. I get that now. But as a kid, I just wanted to feel that I mattered to someone, somewhere. I know my dad loved me- never questioned that. But I needed something different, that I didn’t get from a distant, aloof mother.  I got that for entire weeks at a time at camp.  On summer staff, it was 24/7 for up to three months.  Right or wrong, camp was extremely important to me feeling like my existence mattered.

I guess that’s why the death of a core member of Timber-lee has hit hard. I never really imagined camp without her. She was the constant person year after year- and she made kids feel like they mattered.  On summer staff, I met other people who made me feel like my existence was a good thing, but when I was really young, and into my adolescence, camp is where I really felt like I wasn’t ‘irrelevant’ (not sure what a better word would be), and this one woman was there each year. Camp didn’t exist in my mind without her.  With her death, my frame of reference has been broken.  I know I’m kind of old to still be hanging on to camp memories, but this place had that much of an impact.  It formed a big part of who I am because of the acceptance and understanding I felt there. It’s hard to explain.

So many people have come forward to talk about how Mary Kay impacted their lives. Many spent much more time with her than I did, but there are others who were ‘just’ campers or summer staff members who got the same genuine care and concern from Mary Kay- it’s just how she was.  There wasn’t anything phony about her, and kids can figure that out in a heartbeat. Kids crave adult acceptance. They need that adult to look up to and emulate. They need someone who thinks they are good enough just being a kid.  Those are crucial things to help them along developmentally, as they become their own persons.  And Mary Kay was there every year since 1972, loving every kid (and summer staffer) in a way that most people don’t have the skills and gifts to do; Mary Kay was special.

I don’t mean that I grew up in a vacuum at home. My mom (now deceased) was a ‘good’ person, and had a successful teaching career. Her students felt she was a great teacher, and many loved her. My dad worked hard, and provided for us; I never lacked a good place to live, clothes, etc.  He always had my best interests in mind, even when I didn’t realize it. He’s the person I’m closest to now. There were some key adults when I was a kid that sort of ‘took me in’ emotionally.  But camp was a block of time where I was immersed in love and true Christian living. I thrived on that.  I couldn’t wait to get back to those week long camps where I’d be in a cabin with 5-6 other girls, and a college age summer staff counselor; it was like a week long family based on the love of Jesus. It doesn’t get better than that.

On summer staff, I was surrounded by all sorts of Christians who were also  there for the kids. It was a chance to give back, but I often got so much more than I felt I gave (I worked in the nature center for most of my time on staff- I got worms for the fish and fed rats to snakes, along with doing various nature-related activities, often with a 6 foot boa constrictor wrapped around my waist). Those interactions went on to help me survive some really dark times. Camp formed the core of my beliefs (as did my home church, but it wasn’t the same). It’s something I pictured in my mind as unchanging- however irrational that may sound from someone who will be 50 years old in just over a year.  The core of my beliefs won’t change, no matter whose physically present on earth, and yet there’s a shift with Mary Kay gone.  I’m not sure I can explain it well.

Summers at Timber-lee Christian Center

I’m so glad I was able to reconnect on FaceBook earlier this year, and see Mary Kay and her husband, Greg, at a gathering at the camp this past July. It was the first time I’d been back to Timber-lee in 27 years.  There were changes, but that welcoming, feel-good feeling is still there. I believe it’s a supernatural blessing that presides over the people and property associated with that amazing place. I have never found any other place that immediately brings back the good memories like Timber-lee does. It’s mightily  used by God for so many things, and it touches people’s lives in ways that are for forever.

I’ve been so happy to reconnect with other Timber-lee summer staffers. It’s impossible to explain those summers to people who weren’t there.  I will miss Mary Kay deeply.  But I’m so thankful that I’ve got the memories of her TO miss. She and Timber-lee will be connected in my mind forever.  But now there’s a new frame of reference for Timber-lee moving forward. The ‘old forever’ broke. But I know that in the ultimate forever, it’s all good.

Exit Stage Vertical

Yesterday , Mary Kay Meeker left this earth from an ICU bed at a hospital in Waukesha, WI (USA).   Mary Kay’s hand was taken by her husband, and placed in the hand of God as she took her last breath after being taken off life support.  In that moment, she saw glory and a complete healing of her recent critical medical issues, and the residual effects of polio that she had as a young child. She was released from the stranglehold of sickness into the absolute freedom and peace of God’s love.  With that new health and perfection of her heavenly body, she saw Jesus for the first time, and began her exploration of eternity.  She saw our Lord !  She has spoken to Jesus face to face, and seen Him as He is !  Mary Kay is now part of eternity.

While people here will miss her presence, there are so many stories about Mary Kay that are surfacing to help soothe the wound of her absence. This is a woman who never met someone she couldn’t encourage or build up in some way.  Whether it be through her work in programming at Timber-lee Christian Center, or Awana groups, her church, or as a neighbor or friend, Mary Kay was all about the glass being half full, if not overflowing.

I often saw her on stage when I first met Mary Kay as a camper.  She was doing skits and ventriloquism acts during week long sessions, that continued all summer long.  She made those skits vehicles for how to live as a Christian. Even for elementary school kids, there was something about her that was ‘real’…and she liked kids. There have been numerous accounts of how she and her husband Greg would interact with kids in a way that let them know that being a kid was good enough.  Kids crave being valued by adults.

Mary Kay was an amazing pianist.  Even with her left arm being weakened by polio, she could crank out just about any song in any key at the drop of a hat.  Her ear for music was amazing.  I never saw her play the piano without a big smile while she simultaneously led 300+ campers in various camp songs from that stage in Cross Timber.  Music was a big part of who Mary Kay was.

It is hard to imagine Timber-lee without Mary Kay.  Oh, I know it will continue to be an amazing Christian camp, with so many activities and options for kids. It will still show the love of Jesus to kids of all ages. It will still be a great place for a winter retreat or group meeting.  But one of its core members is gone.  That will hurt, and yet those who know her know that she would want things to go on as scheduled, and for people to keep reaching past what they think they can do- to spread the love of Jesus to everyone who walks along Timber-lee’s paths.

Mary Kay was all about showing people possibilities they hadn’t even considered.  She boosted the good in people, and loved those who were going through not such great times- sometimes when she didn’t even know it.  Her influence didn’t require direct conversation (though she did talk with a lot of people about a lot of things, and really listened).  She lived her life in such a way as to show people ways of relating to each other, and to God. Even when I hadn’t seen her for years, I’d remember something about MK and be encouraged. She was a ‘feel good’ person.

Those of us who are Christians will see her again someday, and know the awe and wonder of seeing Jesus for the first time.  In the meantime, Mary Kay is probably setting up various choirs and singing groups, and seeking out those who always wanted to sing but didn’t think they could when they were alive on earth.  Maybe she’s organizing the angels’ choir into soprano, alto, tenor, and bass sections , and using that new left arm to direct them in some camp songs !! She has probably already met George Beverly Shea and the Goodmans, and has them helping with the choirs !

I can see Mary Kay walking through Heaven, gathering orphaned kids and talking to each of them- praising God for each of them.  She’ll have them singing or doing skits before long, to entertain the other folks up in Heaven. 🙂  If nobody stops her, she’ll have them doing something in Swedish (the Swedes up there will LOVE Mary Kay- yah, you betcha !!).   I can see her being welcomed by former Timber-lee folks who have been up there for a while, and them introducing her to people they know.

Mary Kay’s work here is done, at least directly- she planted countless seeds that will continue to grow.  It was God’s will that she be in Heaven with Him… she may not be working here on earth, but I’m guessing she’s keeping plenty busy.  I can’t imagine her having it any other way !

Into the Hands of God

Unless something extremely supernatural happens very soon, an amazing woman will be leaving this earth.  Her husband will take her hand, that he has been holding with the determination that only comes from lifelong love and endearment, and place it into the hands of God.  From there, she will enter eternity completely healed, and with a new and perfect body that she has gone a lifetime waiting to have.  And, I know the first words from God will be “Well done, my good and faithful servant….well done. Welcome home”.  She will be able to rest in the peace of our Savior and Lord, who has been perfecting His plan in her for decades.

As a Christian, I am comforted a lot by that belief.  I never really say goodbye to a Christian- more of an “I’ll catch you later”, but it’s still sad and I still grieve their physical absence. There is still a void created by the earthly loss of that person. And, yet their pain and suffering are gone. They no longer have the limitations of earth, or their physical conditions. I’ve thought about that when several people I’ve known have passed on…they don’t really ‘die’ per se…they change addresses. 🙂

The doctors have determined that my friend no longer has brain function.  In many ways, those words are even harder than someone ‘simply’ dying a physical death, since it requires decisions that no family member should ever have to make.  Her dear husband is getting another doctor to examine her, to confirm or refute the findings.  And, those of us praying are still hoping for supernatural intervention.  There is nothing too hard for God, and yet He doesn’t always choose to perform miracles when those confined to earthly knowledge want them. His plan will be perfect no matter what happens.  I might not understand His purposes now, but that’s OK.  I still believe He has things moving along to serve His purposes, and that’s good enough for me.

I’ll still cry (and have been), and I’ll still miss Mary Kay Meeker.  I’ll still pray for her dear husband Greg, that he feels some sort of peace as he gets used to a new normal for his life.  I’ll still remember all of the amazing things about MK that I know about her from the time I was a camper, and also on summer staff at Timber-lee Christian Center. We didn’t stay in touch for many years, but her impact didn’t require continuous contact. My life has been made so much better by having known her, and reconnecting this year via FaceBook. I can’t even estimate how many lives she’s touched over the years- but it’s got to be in the tens of thousands.  I first met her as a camper in 1972… I last saw her on July 14, 2012. She was as vibrant as ever, tooling around in a golf cart before coming inside, where we had some time to talk, along with Greg.  It was so wonderful to see them both, as Greg had had some serious health concerns.  I’m so thankful for that time.

So, I’m writing this while Mary Kay is still resting in that ICU bed.  I’m not going to say goodbye.  If I could, I’d let her know everything she has meant to me (and should have done so before now- there’s a life lesson in that for anybody), and how much she’ll be missed, but hold on to a table at the coffee shop in Heaven… I’ll track her down up there one day.  I’d tell her that her ability to introduce people to Jesus in a real way has sustained me during some pretty dark days. She is one of a handful of people who have made my walk with God personal. I learned a lot of ‘real life’ ways to know God.

So, Mary Kay- thank you!  Your impact in my life isn’t measurable.  You made a difference by being yourself.  You touched my life in ways that started 40 years ago, and never stopped (and won’t). You have that amazing combination of humor, compassion, and sincerity that most people don’t begin to understand.  I will miss you.  But I’ll see ya later.  God has His hand outstretched, and He’s ready to take yours when the time is right.  Just as your hand was given to Greg at your wedding, Greg will hand you back to our Heavenly Father.

Hold On To Hope, Or Face Possibilities

I’m waiting, along with many others, for news about a dear woman who went into cardiac arrest last week, and is in a coma as a result.  The day they warmed her back up from the induced hypothermia (used to minimize oxygen demands on the brain while healing from CPR), her reflexes were present. The next day, she was following commands to squeeze her husband’s hand, and raise her elbow off of the bed.  That sounded good.  Daily reports were coming in, and while nothing else major was happening, there was a hopeful tone to the reports. Then Sunday, there was no word on her condition. Monday, there was information that she was struggling, and last night, the neurologist had done a test and met with the family early this morning.  When the time is right, information will be shared about what that was about.  As an RN, I can’t think of a lot of ‘good’ since there had been little  positive news for a few days.  I remember working on a neuro floor, and when the docs met with the families, there were major, and permanent decisions to be made. Occasionally, there would be some other treatment option, but not usually.

As I’ve been mulling all of this over for the past week, I’ve had so many emotions. Anybody who was a camper or on staff at Timber-lee Christian Center in East Troy, WI would have been directly or indirectly impacted by this woman. That’s tens of thousands of kids and staff members over the decades she has worked there.  Her talent for developing fun programs to get through entire summers, each one different, is indescribable.  She also has a great sense of humor, and is one of those people who just makes people feel good. Her piano playing ability is remarkable, and even more so, since her left arm is weak- but nobody would ever know that from what she can get a piano to do.  She has been an example of what Christian woman can aspire to. There isn’t an ounce of phoniness in her. She’s the real deal.

As an 8 year old, I first met her. She was in charge of the programming for that first year as a camper. Her talents brought stories from the Bible, and how to live as a Christian to life and made them applicable. I remembered her every year I was there as a camper (7 summers), and then when I was on summer staff, she was someone familiar when I was meeting MANY new people.  I wasn’t always the easiest to have around, but she was always kind and compassionate.

This last July, I got to sit down with her and her husband at a reunion at the camp. I hadn’t been back there for decades, and while it had always been my ‘safe haven’, I hadn’t seen anybody from there since the mid-80s. I’m so glad I had the chance to talk with her, and also to have reconnected on FaceBook several months earlier. She is someone who exudes life.  And now she’s in a coma, and is struggling.  That’s not her.  Oh, she’s had struggles- but she made them work for good.

And yet, I believe in a God who is omniscient.  He knows everything- and His will is perfect for His plan.  Not my plan, or her plan- but His plan.  I don’t know what that is, or why this all has happened.  Physiologically, I understand why her heart stopped and she needed CPR.  That isn’t hard to comprehend. But what is hard to understand is how her being in a coma, and so critically ill, is helpful to God’s plan.  I have to have faith.  I know that one day, I’ll be able to ask God directly, and know His reasoning. I do believe that.  And I have to have faith in the meantime. Sometimes that faith uses a lot of kleenex.  Sometimes that faith can’t see through the tears.  But it’s still faith.  It doesn’t waver, but it also rests inside a very real person with very real feelings.

So, now the battle is this (at least for me- and I don’t believe I’m alone in this)… do I hold out for hope and God performing a miracle? Or do I get myself ready to face the real possibility that she will end her work here on earth, and join those who have gone before her in Heaven?  I have to rely on my nursing knowledge to look at where she is- and ‘she’ isn’t lying in a bed on life support. That’s the logical angle.  That isn’t how she lives. She is a very vibrant and amazing woman. I believe God can use anybody in any state to speak to others, and yet being in a bed isn’t how she has lived.  When I saw her in July of this year- just 2 1/2 months ago- she was racing around the camp in a golf cart, tending to the visitors on the grounds. Smiling. Serving, encouraging, and active.

I can’t imagine what her husband is going through today after the meeting with the doctor.  He is also a ‘lifer’ on staff at Timber-lee.  He forges iron into custom ironworks and horseshoes. Yes, there are still blacksmiths!  Now, he’s faced with an incomprehensible set of circumstances and potential outcomes to sort through. But he seeks God’s will as well.  He seeks the glory of God, regardless of the loss or changes he may also face.

In the end, those of us who believe the doctrines and Biblical principles that are an integral part of Timber-lee know that we will all see each other again, no matter what happens here in this earthly life. We have that promise and confidence in what Jesus did on the cross. That makes no sense to someone who choses not to believe in Christianity as described in the Bible- and God gives everyone the free will to decide that. He doesn’t force eternity- or Himself- down anybody’s throat. For me, it’s a comfort -though I still feel the loss of people I care about in a very human way; those concepts are not mutually exclusive.  Christianity really isn’t about either/or… it’s about more and more.  I’ll get more time with my friend. I’ll get eternity with her. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t miss her until then.

I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know the private matters being discussed. I do know that the woman I know is vibrant, and unstoppable. Yet, now she’s suspended in time, in a very passive state. That’s not her.  I will still pray for healing. I will still pray for God’s will to be done (which might mean He takes her). But no matter what, I will never forget her impact decades ago, or even now as she triggers deeper thought about God, and why things happen the way they do… and in the end, she has once again strengthened my faith.

And those of us ‘watching’ can celebrate her life, no matter what.