Nutrisystem’s Abysmal Requirements for Their Dietary Counselors

My e-mail to Nutrisystem after being removed from their program for no good reason.:

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From the Nutrisystem info online re: job qualifications:


Qualifications (include Education and specific Experience)

  • Bachelor’s Degree preferred, Associates Degree minimum.
  • Knowledge of nutrition, fitness, health, and weight loss maintenance preferred.
  • Computer Skills: Knowledge of MS Office and use of internet.
  • Capable of navigating multiple resources at one time to assist with customer concerns.
  • Able to professionally correspond with customers via verbal and written communication.
SO, a non-specific degree in any field, “preferred” knowledge of nutrition and health is the bar set by Nutrisystem for weight loss counselors.  NO actual requirement to be in the nutrition field- just some random bachelor’s or associate’s degree.  A music major could have been the one who booted me from Nutrisystem for being proactive in my own health.
Fact-  I’ve been an RN since 1985, and owner of this body since 1963.
Fact-  I asked for nutritional stats to monitor protein levels since I also have to ADD more protein on the plan and want to make sure it stays consistent.
Fact-  My doctor knows I was on Nutrisystem, and had no issues with it (I’m essentially housebound from unrelated physical disabilities, so going back for a “permission slip” to be on NS, like an 8 year old, isn’t feasible)
Fact-  I do not have chronic kidney disease, or even renal insufficiency
Fact-  I do not see a nephrologist for ongoing issues- had a ONE TIME consult, where I was told that hydration issues related to reflux were likely causing the lab abnormalities; at the time my recent  lab was drawn in the late afternoon, I hadn’t had as much water as I usually do- but generally get fluids in. A subsequent CT (different doctor, different issue) showed no kidney problems structurally.  I have since rescheduled appointments for early morning to allow more convenient fluid intake (not looking for bathrooms away from home).
Fact-  I am responsible for my own body and health.
Fact-  my microalbumin level is fine (I’m diabetic, so it’s monitored regularly – NOT because there is an existing problem with my kidneys)
Fact-  I paid for a product, not for someone who doesn’t have any background in medical issues or even a dietary degree,  outside of some blanket policy that penalizes the person  for being proactive in their own health care, to AVOID chronic kidney issues. How is that helpful?
Fact-  I do not have any conditions that Nutrisystem lists as reasons to exclude me (so I was discriminated against based on ????).
Fact-  I chose Nutrisystem because of the nutritional quality of the food, not to do something to jeopardize my health (which I know about. Nutrisystem does not).

Fact-  this e-mail will be copied and pasted repeatedly until I am given a SOLID reason for being booted from using Nutrisystem BY Nutrisystem.**  What precautions do you have for those who buy Nutrisystem at Walmart, on eBay, or other sources?   You discriminate blindly and randomly only through the Nutrisystem site.


Fact:   I love to blog
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I was booted from Nutrisystem for asking for nutritional stats on foods BECAUSE I have to add more protein on the program than what is just in their meals, and wanted it consistent.  People can walk into Walmart, buy NS foods on eBay, and there is no oversight (also no real selection for frozen foods- the boxed assortments have things I don’t like, and don’t include the things I do like).  It’s just fine for those who Nutrisystem says are not allowed on their program to buy things there.  But, with NO disqualifying diagnosis, I’m removed for being proactive in my own health.

Bite me, Nutrisystem.

Edit:  And TODAY, they are charging me for an order of a la  carte pizza after kicking me out yesterday.  Seriously?

** Actually, now, I don’t want any communication from Nutrisystem.  No faith in the qualifications of anybody I communicate with, so what’s the point?

My Mom

If I had to end up with a Leifheit, I’m SO thankful I got the one who married my dad.   My mom was raised in a cold, uncaring household, by an emotionally frozen mother.  Her mom had been orphaned  by the flu of 1918 (her mom died), and was sent to the States from Canada, to live with family friends who adopted her at age six, after the death of her father.   Her mom told me that she built walls to keep from getting hurt.  She extended that to her first born, and was easily manipulated by the other three.

My mom had a good heart.  She cared about other people.  When a church friend had a very ill newborn, she took that friend to see the baby at the hospital daily, even after losing TWO of her own newborns just 1 and 3 years earlier.  My mom’s mom didn’t ever go to the hospital to see my mom after the births of those two babies.  She said it would make her “sick at her stomach” (same phrase she used for special needs kids, or those with physical deformities, being a good Baptist and all).   I can’t imagine having a mom who put her own emotional weakness over the life-altering tragedy of having to bury two babies two years apart.  That is just cold.  Spineless and cold.  My mom’s mom also used to tell me which grandkids she liked, which great-grandkids she didn’t like, and other things that make me wonder what kind of monster she turned me into in her feeble mind.

My mom was disciplined by being forced to memorize chapters of the Bible.  The Bible was used as a weapon to punish.  Not for instruction or spiritual growth.  But as something that was done punitively.   With years of that as a kid, it’s amazing she didn’t turn her back on God, but she didn’t.  Her faith sustained her  (her family surely didn’t).  She was a member of the church I grew up in, and very active in a lot of things that went on there.  She enjoyed helping others.  She believed in a just and loving God.   She taught for about 15 years at Rockford Christian Elementary School (Mrs. Johnson- 2nd grade, 4th grade, and the Resource Center).  When she was diagnosed with breast cancer (then lung and brain), she started a cancer support group at church.

I always knew my mom loved me, but I never knew if she liked me.  I was a little kid (3) when she went to the local community college as she started her education to become a teacher.  She graduated with honors from the local CC, then the local 4 year college where she finished her Bachelor’s degree.   I would be sent to my playroom while she studied, and to a 3 year old, that just felt like mom didn’t want me around.  Of course, when I got older, I understood why she sent me to play.  But as a little kid, I wondered.  She was terrified of something happening to me as well, which didn’t help with feeling connected.  I knew she wanted me… I just didn’t know wny.

On the other hand, my mom took me skating to outdoor ponds and lagoons when it was crazy cold outside.   She took me to all sorts of lessons.  She was my chauffeur to figure skating lessons from the time I was 4-5, and again from 11-14.  For my birthdays, she’d organize parties with puppet shows and cake and ice cream at the local Women’s Club. Or she’d take one of the party napkins to the “cake lady” so she could make the cake match the napkins.  She sewed a lot of my clothing as a kid (and what she didn’t do, my paternal grandma did).  Mom dressed me in Marshall Field’s clothing, which I hated (dresses and ‘girly girl’ stuff when I’d rather be in a tree or hanging from the monkey bars).  She made sure I was involved in a lot of social and sport activities.   She never complained about taking me places.

She wasn’t perfect, and did some things that hurt me.  But she had no example to follow.  Her mom was weak and broken.  My mom was very strong… and broken by the loss of those two babies she never even got to see.  She couldn’t turn to her younger siblings (all of whom were members of the speedy wedding club) as they were dealing with their own families, or one who was too young to be useful for anything at that time.  My mom did her best with what she had to work with.  Her heart was in the right place, even if some actions were confusing.  We never got to talk about any of this as she ended up with dementia from brain radiation.  It was the price she paid to stay alive.  My dad took exemplary care of her (and mom’s family always found fault with him- but never offered to help give him a day off now and then, as he was determined to never put her in a nursing home).   One of them commented after mom’s death about how dad cared for her so well- but that was almost shocking to hear something positive from people who told ME they wanted my dad nowhere near them.  My dad was loyal… something they didn’t understand.

My mom and dad adopted me.  It became very obvious that the rest of her family did not, though one still sends very unwanted cards that I throw away.  Can’t have it both ways- kick to the curb = end of relationship… and that is the biggest gift I could have gotten from my mom’s mom’s death.  I won the lottery by not having to fake it any longer (they are masters of defining their own logic and ‘truth’).  As a kid, I had a great time with my cousins.  As an adult, I wanted nothing to do with my aunt and uncles, but “played nice” for mom’s mom’s sake.  I don’t know why I protected her.  I knew before my mom’s body was cold that mom’s mom had been taken to the attorney to have me ‘eliminated’ from the family trust signed by my mom’s mom AND dad.   And I didn’t care.  I didn’t want anything to make me beholding to any of them- and the crap they sent in a box after mom’s mom died was sent to the auction house with my dad’s stuff after he died.  I only kept the story mom wrote for the church magazine.   THAT meant something to me.  Being essentially slandered in the trust was my ticket out of that cluster.  The porcelain doll was given to another cousin (porcelain is good for one thing to me, and it flushes).

One of the great parts of being adopted is not having to claim anybody who isn’t an asset to my existence, on the wimpy family tree.  I’m sure my cousins have been told nasty things about me- that’s the Leifheit way.   And I’m so glad I’m not a Leifheit.  I have six other cousins who were also kicked to the curb, and I love them.  But as of now, I need to keep distance from anybody who has contact with the evil siblings who profited from their sister’s and brother’s deaths.  I’m just so thankful I’m not related to those siblings.   I wish them well… just well away from me.  You know, an honest representation of our lack of relationship.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys”  (author unknown).

When Multiple Local Doctors Finally Beat You Down…

This has been a year I hope to forget.  I’ve had endless appointments and testing done for GI issues (starting with a large gallstone that nobody would remove without repeating tests that had been done two years prior with no change in those symptoms), kidney function abnormalities, etc.   I’m done. They win.   Even though the new primary care doc (different health system) is a far cry (in a good way) from the “healthcare providers” (use term very, very loosely)  I’ve seen this year, I am no longer interested in testing, treatment, or being BOTHERED by sitting in waiting rooms and arranging my limited life around waiting rooms.  My newish primary doc is a decent sort.  But he wanted me to see a GI doc before referring me to a surgeon.  Well, I don’t want a surgeon now.  I don’t want ANYTHING from medical people in this town.  I can use Urgent Care for simple stuff.  That (and any trip away from home) requires getting in and out of the car twice for one appointment/stop.  THAT causes a lot of pain that generally results in at least a day or two in bed to help the muscle and joint/disc pain.

Sent to current doc after messaging about still seeing GI doc AGAIN, when symptoms have improved “enough”:

“I’m SO, so sorry to be a pain in the ass. Really, I am. I just don’t want to be bothered with medical anything other than the bare minimum to stay alive within the ‘cage’ of my house. Appointments are not worth it to me. I’m buying my own Blood Sugar strips/CPAP junk. My labs were better. That should buy time. Plus, appointments are painful with the DJD and DDD. A single there/back = 1-2 days in bed.

I’m just DONE with folks meaning well, but not hearing that I DON’T CARE anymore about finding out about any new problems. I won’t go to the ER. I don’t care about the gallstone. I don’t care about anything but basic maintenance. I’m trying to wean off of all meds I can. I’d like to spend time not thinking about appts, tests, etc. The nausea is better. I’ve had mild nausea intermittently for years, and that is livable. Belching yesterday’s lunch at breakfast the next day tells me that my gastric motility is dull- don’t need a test for that, and don’t want meds for it. The stomach pain is much better since NOT having to deal with the other health care systems.

If I’m not interested, why should anybody else put more energy into something that doesn’t effect them?

My goals: 1) not wasting what little is left of quality of life in one waiting room after another. Nobody will fix the things that effect mobility (clot history)-and my shoulders are not strong enough for rehab anyway, and the rest of it is just not fixable. After the hell with the other healthcare systems in town not giving a damn about what I want out of things, I’m just done looking for anything else that would need anything done about it.  If that means palliative now, so be it. I can’t leave the house in the late spring/summer/early fall during the daylight (heat) anymore. If I have to have anything done, it means hiring “help” and I don’t “do” babysitters. And 2), not contacting your office unless there’s something that can be treated VERY, VERY simply (UTI, URI).

Had I seen you first this year, I doubt I’d be where I am now, but my PCP of 11 years was still here- and she was the ONLY reason I stayed with freaky OSF for so long. I don’t trust much right now (nothing related to you). I hope that changes. I’ve had 2 GB ultrasounds, the endoscopy, and abd/pelvic CT. If there’s something going on that isn’t on any of those, I won’t want treatment anyway. SO why waste anybody’s time?   I’m done on the patient rodent wheel. I’m fully aware of the risks.
I’m sorry. “

We’ll see if this is clear enough with the new guy.  He’s been reasonable in the past (saw him many, many years ago when I was still able to work, and only left when I switched jobs and had different insurance).

DO NOT MOVE TO Northern ILLINOIS if you have a lot of medical issues and expect decent care from  “local” “healthcare professionals” unless you get the one that implies “merciful”  (all sold out to other companies and they’re no longer advocates for patient well-being, but profits, but I’m hoping the one I’m with now is at least not terrifying).   Smaller communities are being paid bonuses to deny care to seniors and the disabled…so they send folks for tests that are cheaper than the fix… and/or hope that folks give up, since that population is limited in transportation options many times.

Well, mission accomplished.  I’m done.

Buying a Reborn Doll

I collect and create reborn dolls.  I often cruise through eBay to find used reborn to either collect as is, or to repair/upgrade them (they’re also USUALLY cheaper)…. and I have found some shady junk inside of those dolls.  And those are the ones that are actually reborns.  Many are just plain old dolls or collectible dolls that are mass produced.  None of those are reborns. They CAN be made INTO reborns- but out of the box factory dolls are not art.  Reborns are an art form.  Those who paint them are reborn artists.

What is a reborn?   A reborn doll is a one of a kind, hand painted collectible doll for adults. They are NOT toys.   It is not a factory made doll. It’s not a doll from Ashton Drake or Paradise Galleries (those are collectible dolls- and many are very sweet).  It is not a “handmade” thing with over 100 available from China.

It takes hours to make a reborn from a blank kit.  The paint is done in layers- starting with the veining, base skin tone, blushing, nails tipped in white, eyebrows and lashes, etc.  Many are indistinguishable from a real baby in photos.

They are then weighted and stuffed.  The weighting is done with fine GLASS BEADS- not aquarium rocks, steel wool, rags, newspaper, pebbles, or anything else besides polyfill stuffing.  I’ve actually pulled those things out of dolls I’ve purchased… and immediately fixed.  I personally do not like poly pellets.  They don’t add enough realistic weight, and take up much more space, without providing any real benefit.

Reborns shouldn’t have eyebrows drawn on by permanent markers.  There should be visible blushing. Every wrinkle should be painted.  Hair can vary.  I personally find human hair to be creepy- but mohair rooted one hair at a time is exquisite when done well.  The limbs should be filled half way with glass beads, and the rest STUFFED with polyfil.   The weight in the body and head is done by filling nylon knee highs with fine glass beads, and putting them in the head (so it needs to be supported and is floppy IF the size of the doll is realistic with that- so no floppy 24 inch and up babies.  Another  weight is put in the butt.  The head should be fully stuffed with polyfil stuffing. You don’t want empty cheeks.   If there is a magnet for the pacifier, it should be placed correctly so that the pacifier fits the face properly.

They are expensive. Just the basic materials cost more than 130.00 just for the very basic doll kit (others cost more), body, stuffing, paint, beads, clothing, magnet for pacifier, etc.   That doesn’t include anything for the time it takes, or the ability to do them.   Solid silicone dolls are much more expensive.   And they weigh a ton.  But some are stunning.   The ‘usual’ reborn is vinyl (not the same as silicone, no matter how many times the Chinese sellers on eBay repeat it).   I typically charge $250-350, depending on the size and cost of materials. That gives me about $100 for my work, which takes many hours over several days.

Here are some of the babies I’ve painted or repaired (repainted or added layers).

This is how they start….

This is the Caleb kit (first one I did).

And this is how he ended up:

“Caleb” kit
14″ long, 2 pounds

Caleb kit

‘Avery’ sculpt
21 inches, and about 6 pounds

‘Taite’ kit
16 inches and about 3 pounds.

This one went to OH this week 🙂

So be picky.  Ask questions.  If your reborn doesn’t look like a real baby- and I mean REAL, then don’t waste your money.  Keep looking.    Forever Babies Reborns on Facebook is my page, and where I will post when I have dolls available (studio is being reorganized at the moment).

Well, No More Palliative…

And I’m more than bummed in some ways, but in other ways, I’m really OK with it.  But, considering where I live, and my experiences with the medical folks here, it’s not that surprising that it’s been frustrating.  It’s been 16 days since the nurse was here to meet with me for being on palliative.  I was told that the chaplain and social worker would contact me, to set up a time to come and meet with me as well.  I haven’t heard from anyone.   When I called the nurse today, and asked to be taken off of the list, she asked if something had happened, and I basically said “Yeah- nothing!”.   She told me people had been sick.  Had I known that (COMMUNICATION), I would have understood.  Why can’t someone just let a person know that they weren’t forgotten, and someone would be in touch as soon as they could.  I can understand THAT.  Even a 15 second e-mail… that would have been enough.  I could have sent my well-wishes for the sick staff  in a reply.

At the only meeting, I was basically told that there were much sicker patients than myself, and what did I want from palliative- which sounded like I didn’t belong.  The next day on the phone, it didn’t seem to be an issue, so I didn’t bring it up.   I know there are sicker people out there- I used to take care of them !   But this isn’t a competition !   When I mentioned knowing that they had sicker patients, she said that she didn’t mean it that way… OK. that’s fine.  Good to know.   *thumbs up*

Ended up OK- should I decide later on that I want to try palliative again.  But for now, I’m on my own. Again… or is it still?   I see the gallbladder surgeon on Friday (with a completely different healthcare system in town)… once the gallbladder is out, my days with doctors will be few and far between.   Seems much safer like that, and if not safer, at least much less frustrating.

“You Look OK… “

Well, that’s great !  I’m glad I don’t look like I feel...  I’d have to worry about the dogs mistaking me for a fire  hydrant or other excretory depository.

I’m not sure what THIS looks like: 
– autonomic dysfunction: inconsistent regulation of blood pressure, heart rate, temperature
– diabetes w/complications on insulin
– degenerative joint disease (with one shoulder now having symptoms, both shoulders, both hips, and both knees involved- and no “elective” replacement surgeries because of my history of pulmonary emboli).
– degenerative disc disease, from cervical spine to sacral spine (or neck to butt)
– severe fibromyalgia
– carpal tunnel
– peripheral neuropathy (progressive sensory, diabetic amyotrophy)
– nocturnal epilepsy
– neurocardiogenic syncope/POTS (related to autonomic dysfunction/dysautonomia)
– GERD (fairly severe)
– epigastric hernia (vs. ventral- still getting worked up)
– sleep apnea
– diabetic nerve pain (feels like thighs are on fire, or hot needles in feet)
– defeated patient with little hope of getting anything addressed without some sort of support.

And I’m not sure how ‘visible’ my history is, either:
–  APL (acute promyelocytic leukemia)
– acute, subacute, and chronic pulmonary emboli in all three lobes of my right lung and           right pulmonary artery
–  multiple concussions
–  mild stroke
–  TIAs
–  falls
–  hydration issues
–  kidney injury (related to dehydration)
–  pyelonephritis
–  sepsis (r/t pyelonephritis, cancer, and post knee replacement UTI)
–  and I’m sure things I’m forgetting, including several surgeries.

Now add a doctor for nearly each of those, who don’t talk to each other.   I’m supposed to manage it all, AND manage the communication (or lack thereof) between doctors.   BTDT, and it ain’t working !   My job is to be a compliant patient.  But how can I be compliant when decisions are being made without any input from myself, and the doctors not communicating with each other before ragging on me?  I get to be a participant in my own life !!   If not, I can’t work with that physician/NP/PA/XYZ.   I can’t trust anybody who won’t hear MY concerns.   The first part of assessment is focusing on the issue at hand- and that includes patient concerns.  LISTEN- it’s cheap and used to be fairly standard.

Otherwise, if I’m not a part of my own healthcare, why should I go see those who have ME figured out without my participation?




Parole Protest 2018… Here We Go Again

Carl Edward Chambers is up for parole again.  I don’t think there’s a lot ‘new’ to say.   He should never walk free. Period.   I understand the asinine rules of mandatory release that the state of TX didn’t think through when they allowed for first degree felons to be freed, even if on parole/”supervision”.  Repeat offenders and those who have caused bodily harm to another human being have no business being among law abiding citizens.  They lost that right with their CALCULATED  DECISIONS to hurt others.    The State of TX is complicit with what happened to me.  All they can do now is keep Chambers contained like the animal he is.

1.  He plea bargained to a 60 year sentence, and is not due for mandatory release (again) YET.   It’s time he does ONE thing positive, and complete his incarceration (as much as possible with “mandatory-freedom-to-hurt-more-innocent-people” still in play with this case).   He’s already botched one round of mandatory release, so why give him the chance to hurt someone else?   THAT is my primary reason for continuing to protest his release.   My life is trashed, and I’ve made sure I have plenty of options for defending myself.   He was very calculated with what he did to me, even stealing my address and phone number from the sister he was staying with, in order to target me.   I can’t be the only woman who reminds him of his first wife…. that’s what I was told- I looked like her.   I’m fairly standard-issue…. overweight, brown/gray haired middle-aged white woman.   Lots of targets in the ‘free world’.

2.  EVERY time he’s been on parole, he’s committed a more violent crime.   Murder is the only thing off of his resumé, that we know of.   Why give him the opportunity?

3.  I’m getting older, and have multiple medical issues, to the point of being disabled for over a decade.   Because of the severity of what Chambers (I refer to him as Numbnuts) did to me, NOBODY else has touched me.  I can’t stand the thought of being ‘handled’ and violated.  The sensation of having another human’s body heat and breath near me is nauseating.   So, I know I’ll die alone.   When I was younger, I always envisioned a life with a husband and house full of kids.   Normal. Happy.  Fun.  LOVE.

4.   My parents are both gone now, but they suffered in knowing what had happened to me.  My dad read the very graphic police statement I gave, when they visited  just  a few months after it happened.  There is always collateral damage when someone violates another human being.  My folks didn’t deserve to have to deal with what happened to me.  They lived 1200 miles away, and I didn’t want them to come initially since there was so much going on with statements, meeting with various legal folks and the rape crisis volunteer, etc.  I encouraged them to talk to their pastor, or even friends… but my mom’s close co-worker at the time took me to dinner the next time I flew home, and asked if I’d been raped- she had watched changes in my mom, and mom wasn’t talking about it.

Initially, my mom just wanted to know if I was pregnant, and I was- but thankfully the spawned little bastard fell into the toilet at about 10-12 weeks after the rape.  I’d never had sex before, so I know ‘what ‘ it belonged to.  I wanted nothing to do with it, but struggled with abortion.  I am adopted, so didn’t want to go that route… so when the cramping started that morning that I’ll never forget, I was SO relieved to see that mass of %50 sociopathic DNA swirl away forever.   Had I gone the adoption route, what could I ever have told that kid if he/she came looking for me ?  How could I ever have spun the tale to make that kid feel like he/she wasn’t one big fat felonious mistake?   And I wouldn’t lie to an adoptee who simply wants the truth about his/her ‘roots’.    That was the only baby I ever ‘carried’…. the impact of the wine cooler bottle that Chambers rammed up my vagina for many, many minutes tore uterine ligaments…. think about that.  What kind of force is required to rip internal, unseen ligaments?    I could not have raised that ‘thing’ without prejudice, and that would have been unforgivable on my part to do to a child.  SO, the toilet ‘delivery’ was a blessing.   And still traumatic.  Rape….the crime that keeps on giving.

5.  The person I was before January 10, 1987 is DEAD.  “She” died the minute I knew what was going on… the knife at my neck, and threats to kill me repeatedly did the job.  My body may have survived, but my dreams of a  husband and kids of my own was gone. For good.   I avoided having time available during ‘normal’ social times like weekends and daylight.   I worked a lot of nights and weekends for a nice excuse to never be alone on a date.   My view of the world was mutated to see ‘plausible risk’ everywhere.  I’ve managed to not be paranoid, but I know that safety is never a guarantee, and nobody really ever knows what someone else is capable of.  That is my worldview post-rape.   There is no ‘safe’.

6.    He still owes me a ‘why?’ answer.   He could easily send it through the Board of Pardons and Parole and it would be forwarded to me.  The lack of any sort of explanation tells me that he would do it again in a heartbeat, and has no remorse.   Just another day for him.  S.O.P.  for Numbnuts.   I used to have ‘revenge fantasies’ early on, involving a vegetable peeler, and Numbnuts restrained in a chair for me to ‘peel’ the part of him that hurt the most.  It’s been years since I imagined that, as revenge isn’t  ‘me’.  But it was a way to cope for a while early on.  Now, I just want what I asked for with the plea bargain.   Sixty years.  No more, no less.  He’ll be in the TX DOCJ system until he’s at least 88 years old.  He’s nearly 60 now- and there is nothing about being 60 that makes him less of a risk.  Last time he was out, he had a lawn-mowing business (enabling him to be alone with homeowners any time he was ‘mowing the lawn’).   How was that idea approved?   He even moved while on “intense” supervision.  So intense he moved without anybody knowing.   Seriously?  That’s “intense” supervision?   I was told he would have an ankle GPS monitor and have to give detailed daily activity plans to his parole officer.   I guess “moving today” didn’t make the list.    Convict + secrets = more crime.

7.    Last go around with parole, he had obviously lied his way into the life of some woman with no self-esteem,  and she married him.  WHILE IN PRISON FOR RAPING  AND BEATING ME.    He’s still manipulating women.  Couldn’t have been honest about what he’d done- or she’s just nuts and passively suicidal.    Her grandsons wrote notes on Chambers’ behalf that sounded like someone with an 8th grade education had dictated them.    I guess Numbnuts was allowed around kids because he opted for adults to violate.   NO WAY I’d let any kid I had be around someone like Numbnuts.  Same idea as letting John Wayne Gacy be a Boy Scout Leader.  Just not a good idea.

8.  I’m a lot more angry now than I was years ago.  Mostly it reflects the isolation and no family of my own.   Had I not been raped, I would have had a shot at “normal”.   Chambers killed me.  He killed my dreams. He killed my belief that most people are good. He killed my ability to feel whole.  He killed any desire to be physically close to another person.  He tormented my parents.   He impregnated me and caused weeks of torment until the spawn was flushed.   He’s shown no remorse that I’ve ever heard about (but he’s a sociopath, so not expecting much there).

Geez… just thought of this.  For  8 years more than half of my life, I’ve been a rape survivor.   Still dealing with the aftermath of someone who CHOSE to make his life useless and cause irreparable damage to mine.   My life stopped at age 23.  And yet 31 years later, I’m still having to justify keeping my “killer” locked up.