When Death Steals Justice From a Murdered Baby’s Mom

This week, the mother of murdered 4-month old Paul Villareal died after a very brief, and unexpected illness.  She was waiting for the trials to start in early 2020 in five murders, including that of little Paul.  She’d been waiting since 1981 for justice to be within grasp.  She won’t see that day.  Her son Paul’s killer will finally be held to account for what she did to Paul, his mother, and entire family.

Her family is now trying to find the way to pay for the burial their mom wanted, and Paul’s youngest sister is doing her best to make sure that happens, but she needs help. While she didn’t want to ask for help, doing a GoFundMe was the most likely way to get the funding as soon as possible, so she can bury her mom, who did not want to be cremated.  I’m now asking for help as well for this family.  They’ve been through so much.

No matter how much or little folks can help, it all matters, and I know personally that the family is extremely grateful and humbled for any help.  I’m in regular online contact with Paul’s sister. This is legit.

 Whether or not you can donate, please pass the link along : 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/mom039s-cemetery-expenses

For those who are unfamiliar with the hell Jones put dozens of families through in the early 1980s, I’m including an article by the author of a book by the same name, “The Death Shift”, which is considered by the families to be the most accurate book on the hell they went through. They were interviewed for the book.

https://www.texasmonthly.com/articles/the-death-shift-2/

Jones had been due to be released in March of 2018 because of the “mandatory release” law, that was amended in late 1987, and later excluded violent offenders.

By Elizabeth Zavala of MySA— after the death of Chelsea McClellan’s mom, who was fighting so hard for the additional indictments, and a huge support to the families.

https://www.expressnews.com/news/local/article/Moms-keep-up-fight-despite-loss-of-ally-14423719.php

More background on Jones and the alleged murders of 46 babies/toddlers:
https://abcnews.go.com/US/nurse-suspected-killing-46-kids-prison/story?id=19852141

https://www.tpr.org/post/evidence-destroyed-hospital-cover-needed-genene-jones-prosecution

Articles of Impeachment

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

I just watched the news about the specific articles of impeachment against Donald Trump. I’m not reacting the way I anticipated. It is sad, and nothing to be gleeful about, no matter how much this president has abused his office, and obstructed the truth.  But I cried.  This is something that had to be done. I think most folks realize he will not be removed from office, because of the partisan tone to DC and all things political.  But for only the 3rd time in our country’s history, a sitting president has had articles of impeachment issued against him.  It was inevitable if he acted AS president like he did as a campaigner or candidate.

I have been a lifelong GOP voter for the most part (never party over principles), but changed my affiliation to “Independent” before the 2016 election when Trump was named the candidate.  From the relative little I knew then, I couldn’t support a candidate who fits the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder- with some intense Borderline ‘episodes’ in his use of chaos for personal amusement. He also loves someone until  they disagree with him- that’s the sign of a very insecure person.  His ‘pussy grabbing’ comments will never be defensible to me. Sexual assault is very serious, and he treats women like a vending machine for his ego- without their consent. (and there have been some who consented, and got a big payday to buy their silence).

The people I grew up with are/were conservative evangelicals.  When growing up, hate was not something that was preached, encouraged, or sanctioned.  Now, I don’t go to that church, because my beliefs in treating everyone with compassion, helping those in need, and a non-judgmental view on those who fit into the right wing rhetoric- LGBTQ and abortion- don’t mesh with their beliefs.  I don’t understand what makes LGBTQ folks ‘tick’- but I’ve known and worked with enough, as well as having LGBTQ family members, that I can only respond in love and kindness as I found every last one of them to be great co-workers, friends, and family.  After being raped and ending up pregnant, I did think about abortion. I couldn’t go through with it, but I understand why someone would.  I miscarried, which was about all my wrecked brain could handle during that time between the 6 hour rape and the trial of the rapist. I don’t understand how Trump has any supporters who aren’t neo-Nazis.  I know they exist- I just don’t understand them at all.

Things I can’t support- 
– pathological lying
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/10/14/president-trump-has-made-false-or-misleading-claims-over-days/

– hiding behind a lack of understanding of the Constitution (“I can do anything I want”)
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/10/08/donald-trump-government-215691

– basing ALL decisions about staff/other people on how they back his fragile ego (too many links to share- you can Google)

– mocking the disabled

– xenophobia and slandering entire groups of people based on race or religion
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racial_views_of_Donald_Trump

– separating children from their families
https://time.com/5678313/trump-administration-family-separation-lawsuits/

– associating AND DEFENDING dictators and communist leaders
https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2018/03/trump-xi-jinping-dictators/554810/

– upending trade around the world
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-imf-worldbank-trade/fallout-from-trumps-trade-wars-felt-by-economies-around-the-world-idUSKBN1WY0PZ

– using the office for personal gain
https://www.opensecrets.org/trump/inauguration-donors

– withholding aid from a vulnerable young democracy- and by virtue of being the president of the United States (a much higher rank) to manipulate a newly elected president, making demands before Congressional Bi-Partisan funding would be released…until he got caught.
https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2019-10-04/officials-zelenskiy-feared-trump-was-manipulating-ukraine-before-phone-call

– the erosion of any integrity of the office of the POTUS and the USA
https://www.commondreams.org/views/2019/07/01/under-trump-americas-global-standing-record-low

– alienating other world leaders with nasty Tweets (Google to pick your favorite in the list of millions)

– the golf trips…
https://www.forbes.com/sites/chuckjones/2019/07/10/trumps-golf-trips-could-cost-taxpayers-over-340-million/#35191a3f28aa

– his treatment and views on women
https://theweek.com/articles/655770/61-things-donald-trump-said-about-women

How did we get here?  How did so many people (3 million less than those who voted for his opponent) fall for his BS?  How is it not glaringly obvious that this is the political equivalent of a mob boss?

How do we recover?

 

 

When Multiple Local Doctors Finally Beat You Down…

This has been a year I hope to forget.  I’ve had endless appointments and testing done for GI issues (starting with a large gallstone that nobody would remove without repeating tests that had been done two years prior with no change in those symptoms), kidney function abnormalities, etc.   I’m done. They win.   Even though the new primary care doc (different health system) is a far cry (in a good way) from the “healthcare providers” (use term very, very loosely)  I’ve seen this year, I am no longer interested in testing, treatment, or being BOTHERED by sitting in waiting rooms and arranging my limited life around waiting rooms.  My newish primary doc is a decent sort.  But he wanted me to see a GI doc before referring me to a surgeon.  Well, I don’t want a surgeon now.  I don’t want ANYTHING from medical people in this town.  I can use Urgent Care for simple stuff.  That (and any trip away from home) requires getting in and out of the car twice for one appointment/stop.  THAT causes a lot of pain that generally results in at least a day or two in bed to help the muscle and joint/disc pain.

Sent to current doc after messaging about still seeing GI doc AGAIN, when symptoms have improved “enough”:

“I’m SO, so sorry to be a pain in the ass. Really, I am. I just don’t want to be bothered with medical anything other than the bare minimum to stay alive within the ‘cage’ of my house. Appointments are not worth it to me. I’m buying my own Blood Sugar strips/CPAP junk. My labs were better. That should buy time. Plus, appointments are painful with the DJD and DDD. A single there/back = 1-2 days in bed.

I’m just DONE with folks meaning well, but not hearing that I DON’T CARE anymore about finding out about any new problems. I won’t go to the ER. I don’t care about the gallstone. I don’t care about anything but basic maintenance. I’m trying to wean off of all meds I can. I’d like to spend time not thinking about appts, tests, etc. The nausea is better. I’ve had mild nausea intermittently for years, and that is livable. Belching yesterday’s lunch at breakfast the next day tells me that my gastric motility is dull- don’t need a test for that, and don’t want meds for it. The stomach pain is much better since NOT having to deal with the other health care systems.

If I’m not interested, why should anybody else put more energy into something that doesn’t effect them?

My goals: 1) not wasting what little is left of quality of life in one waiting room after another. Nobody will fix the things that effect mobility (clot history)-and my shoulders are not strong enough for rehab anyway, and the rest of it is just not fixable. After the hell with the other healthcare systems in town not giving a damn about what I want out of things, I’m just done looking for anything else that would need anything done about it.  If that means palliative now, so be it. I can’t leave the house in the late spring/summer/early fall during the daylight (heat) anymore. If I have to have anything done, it means hiring “help” and I don’t “do” babysitters. And 2), not contacting your office unless there’s something that can be treated VERY, VERY simply (UTI, URI).

Had I seen you first this year, I doubt I’d be where I am now, but my PCP of 11 years was still here- and she was the ONLY reason I stayed with freaky OSF for so long. I don’t trust much right now (nothing related to you). I hope that changes. I’ve had 2 GB ultrasounds, the endoscopy, and abd/pelvic CT. If there’s something going on that isn’t on any of those, I won’t want treatment anyway. SO why waste anybody’s time?   I’m done on the patient rodent wheel. I’m fully aware of the risks.
I’m sorry. “

We’ll see if this is clear enough with the new guy.  He’s been reasonable in the past (saw him many, many years ago when I was still able to work, and only left when I switched jobs and had different insurance).

DO NOT MOVE TO Northern ILLINOIS if you have a lot of medical issues and expect decent care from  “local” “healthcare professionals” unless you get the one that implies “merciful”  (all sold out to other companies and they’re no longer advocates for patient well-being, but profits, but I’m hoping the one I’m with now is at least not terrifying).   Smaller communities are being paid bonuses to deny care to seniors and the disabled…so they send folks for tests that are cheaper than the fix… and/or hope that folks give up, since that population is limited in transportation options many times.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/theapothecary/2016/02/21/aca-savings-paying-doctors-and-hospitals-bonuses-to-deny-care-to-patients/#6a9ec5aa6c46

Well, mission accomplished.  I’m done.

Buying a Reborn Doll

I collect and create reborn dolls.  I often cruise through eBay to find used reborn to either collect as is, or to repair/upgrade them (they’re also USUALLY cheaper)…. and I have found some shady junk inside of those dolls.  And those are the ones that are actually reborns.  Many are just plain old dolls or collectible dolls that are mass produced.  None of those are reborns. They CAN be made INTO reborns- but out of the box factory dolls are not art.  Reborns are an art form.  Those who paint them are reborn artists.

What is a reborn?   A reborn doll is a one of a kind, hand painted collectible doll for adults. They are NOT toys.   It is not a factory made doll. It’s not a doll from Ashton Drake or Paradise Galleries (those are collectible dolls- and many are very sweet).  It is not a “handmade” thing with over 100 available from China.

It takes hours to make a reborn from a blank kit.  The paint is done in layers- starting with the veining, base skin tone, blushing, nails tipped in white, eyebrows and lashes, etc.  Many are indistinguishable from a real baby in photos.

They are then weighted and stuffed.  The weighting is done with fine GLASS BEADS- not aquarium rocks, steel wool, rags, newspaper, pebbles, or anything else besides polyfill stuffing.  I’ve actually pulled those things out of dolls I’ve purchased… and immediately fixed.  I personally do not like poly pellets.  They don’t add enough realistic weight, and take up much more space, without providing any real benefit.

Reborns shouldn’t have eyebrows drawn on by permanent markers.  There should be visible blushing. Every wrinkle should be painted.  Hair can vary.  I personally find human hair to be creepy- but mohair rooted one hair at a time is exquisite when done well.  The limbs should be filled half way with glass beads, and the rest STUFFED with polyfil.   The weight in the body and head is done by filling nylon knee highs with fine glass beads, and putting them in the head (so it needs to be supported and is floppy IF the size of the doll is realistic with that- so no floppy 24 inch and up babies.  Another  weight is put in the butt.  The head should be fully stuffed with polyfil stuffing. You don’t want empty cheeks.   If there is a magnet for the pacifier, it should be placed correctly so that the pacifier fits the face properly.

They are expensive. Just the basic materials cost more than 130.00 just for the very basic doll kit (others cost more), body, stuffing, paint, beads, clothing, magnet for pacifier, etc.   That doesn’t include anything for the time it takes, or the ability to do them.   Solid silicone dolls are much more expensive.   And they weigh a ton.  But some are stunning.   The ‘usual’ reborn is vinyl (not the same as silicone, no matter how many times the Chinese sellers on eBay repeat it).   I typically charge $250-350, depending on the size and cost of materials. That gives me about $100 for my work, which takes many hours over several days.

This is how they start….

This is the Caleb kit (first one I did).

And this is how he ended up:

“Caleb” kit
14″ long, 2 pounds

Caleb kit

So be picky.  Ask questions.  If your reborn doesn’t look like a real baby- and I mean REAL, then don’t waste your money.  Keep looking.    Forever Babies Reborns on Facebook is my page, and where I will post when I have dolls available (studio is being reorganized at the moment).

Well, No More Palliative…

And I’m more than bummed in some ways, but in other ways, I’m really OK with it.  But, considering where I live, and my experiences with the medical folks here, it’s not that surprising that it’s been frustrating.  It’s been 16 days since the nurse was here to meet with me for being on palliative.  I was told that the chaplain and social worker would contact me, to set up a time to come and meet with me as well.  I haven’t heard from anyone.   When I called the nurse today, and asked to be taken off of the list, she asked if something had happened, and I basically said “Yeah- nothing!”.   She told me people had been sick.  Had I known that (COMMUNICATION), I would have understood.  Why can’t someone just let a person know that they weren’t forgotten, and someone would be in touch as soon as they could.  I can understand THAT.  Even a 15 second e-mail… that would have been enough.  I could have sent my well-wishes for the sick staff  in a reply.

At the only meeting, I was basically told that there were much sicker patients than myself, and what did I want from palliative- which sounded like I didn’t belong.  The next day on the phone, it didn’t seem to be an issue, so I didn’t bring it up.   I know there are sicker people out there- I used to take care of them !   But this isn’t a competition !   When I mentioned knowing that they had sicker patients, she said that she didn’t mean it that way… OK. that’s fine.  Good to know.   *thumbs up*

Ended up OK- should I decide later on that I want to try palliative again.  But for now, I’m on my own. Again… or is it still?   I see the gallbladder surgeon on Friday (with a completely different healthcare system in town)… once the gallbladder is out, my days with doctors will be few and far between.   Seems much safer like that, and if not safer, at least much less frustrating.

“You Look OK… “

Well, that’s great !  I’m glad I don’t look like I feel...  I’d have to worry about the dogs mistaking me for a fire  hydrant or other excretory depository.

I’m not sure what THIS looks like: 
– autonomic dysfunction: inconsistent regulation of blood pressure, heart rate, temperature
– diabetes w/complications on insulin
– degenerative joint disease (with one shoulder now having symptoms, both shoulders, both hips, and both knees involved- and no “elective” replacement surgeries because of my history of pulmonary emboli).
– degenerative disc disease, from cervical spine to sacral spine (or neck to butt)
– severe fibromyalgia
– carpal tunnel
– TMJ
– peripheral neuropathy (progressive sensory, diabetic amyotrophy)
– nocturnal epilepsy
– neurocardiogenic syncope/POTS (related to autonomic dysfunction/dysautonomia)
– GERD (fairly severe)
– epigastric hernia (vs. ventral- still getting worked up)
– sleep apnea
– diabetic nerve pain (feels like thighs are on fire, or hot needles in feet)
– defeated patient with little hope of getting anything addressed without some sort of support.

And I’m not sure how ‘visible’ my history is, either:
–  APL (acute promyelocytic leukemia)
– acute, subacute, and chronic pulmonary emboli in all three lobes of my right lung and           right pulmonary artery
–  multiple concussions
–  mild stroke
–  TIAs
–  falls
–  hydration issues
–  kidney injury (related to dehydration)
–  pyelonephritis
–  sepsis (r/t pyelonephritis, cancer, and post knee replacement UTI)
–  and I’m sure things I’m forgetting, including several surgeries.

Now add a doctor for nearly each of those, who don’t talk to each other.   I’m supposed to manage it all, AND manage the communication (or lack thereof) between doctors.   BTDT, and it ain’t working !   My job is to be a compliant patient.  But how can I be compliant when decisions are being made without any input from myself, and the doctors not communicating with each other before ragging on me?  I get to be a participant in my own life !!   If not, I can’t work with that physician/NP/PA/XYZ.   I can’t trust anybody who won’t hear MY concerns.   The first part of assessment is focusing on the issue at hand- and that includes patient concerns.  LISTEN- it’s cheap and used to be fairly standard.

Otherwise, if I’m not a part of my own healthcare, why should I go see those who have ME figured out without my participation?