So You Think That Bars Being Open Is More Important Than Following CDC Guidelines

I’m thinking about Texas since I lived there for 17 years, but goes for any state with morons.  So, you know, everywhere…  I worked as an RN in Austin, a town in The Hill Country, and know people all over the state.  But the principles are the same.

Has all of this COVID-19 stuff been a big wet rag on life as you knew it?   Probably. Are you too young to know that when you’re actually grown, a year is nothing? Likely.  It’s one set of holidays and work weeks (if you’re not still living in your parents’ basement).  Are you old enough to know that this isn’t how you want life to be?  Yup. But here’s the thing… if you don’t follow the guidelines, the only thing in your future that people will think of is your funeral. And they’ll talk about how you wasted your life over a mask. A 50cent mask.  That’s the price you put on your own life. I’d have said at least a buck.

Do you know what happens when someone is sick in a hospital whose capacity has been exploded beyond what they can deal with like they normally would?  If you’re lucky, you get a new oxygen mask/cannula every week like normal- but with shortages, you may have the same snotty one for many weeks. Someone will pick the boogers out now and then with a needle.  If you end up on a ventilator (vent, from here on out), you will be knocked out. You won’t have a clue- until they run out of the medications used to make being on a vent tolerable (vents hurt, and the more pressure needed as your lungs stiffen up from damage caused by COVID-19,  the more it hurts- so you are knocked out for comfort reasons).  Then you’ll have a big clue- because you will be tied to the bed so you can’t remove the tube going down your throat  into your ratty, stiff lungs. You’ll know everything that’s going on, and each time the vent gives you a breath, you will want to scream.  But that can’t happen when there’s a tube between your vocal cords. You won’t have any family or friends around during this, unless they’re dying in the next bed- and they’re no good to you then.  The patients in this video are so quiet- because they don’t have the the ability to get a good enough breath to speak…

SO, are ya having fun yet?   Excruciating pain, tied to the bed, with a tube the size of your little finger ramming air every 3 seconds or so, into your restricted lungs ?  Sounds like a party to me!   You’ll have a catheter going into your bladder to drain urine (which, if you’re not familiar with catheters, is put in the same hole you’re used to urine coming out of), until your kidneys fail- and then dialysis until it quits working, after which you’ll die over a week or two max. It won’t be fast, but long enough to wish every second that you’d made different choices since they ran out of the good drugs a week before you started circling the drain. . You’ll also feel every time they have to stick a needle into your wrist, so they can see if you have enough oxygen in your blood- not just the little painless oxygen saturation monitor. You. Will. Hurt. Like. Hell.    But, go ahead, make plans to be in close proximity to those not wearing masks- and you could bring it home to your family.  Any one of those you’re eager to get rid of?  No guarantee the ones you like won’t get it instead.  And no guarantee the refrigerated truck will have enough juice to keep all of the bodies cool enough to get to the funeral home, who only has time to stick you in a box and put you in a public grave- to be sorted out later.  The bodies are piling up too fast for proper identification by family, and families aren’t allowed in the trucks.  SO, you end up in a mass grave. Until someone fishes your soggy boxed body out of the dirt in several months. Think this is too dramatic?  These guys got the only trucks they could find- unrefrigerated.  They did the best they could.  And you could end up in a truck like this… your body decomposing so that fluids drip out of the truck.

Maybe you could ask the state to let you hang out in one place to drink and party.  Those ICE Detention Centers should be empty soon. In theory, they could be used for people who don’t think the rules should apply to them.   Cages sound appropriate for you. Here’s the thing, though.  Nobody leaves until everybody tests negative, which doesn’t start until after the initial 14 day quarantine. If you get sick during the time nobody can leave, you get no care at  all (which is fair no matter where you are- why should the ones bucking the guidelines who get sick get the last vent over someone who has followed every CDC guideline, and was made sick by a jerk like you?).  If you get sick in the detention center, you might skate through with something that feels like a bad flu- or you could end up dying after days of gasping for air.  Your body will begin to decompose, and the smell of putrification will sting the nose of anybody still alert enough to notice.  It will be like a hot August afternoon on a Texas backroad where 3 adult deer were hit by a truck three days earlier. Times however many people have croaked at the center who are also rotting.

Maybe you’re one of those ‘spiritual’ sorts who gets wasted on Friday night, so the hangover is gone by Sunday morning and you can pass muster at church- which is also blowing off public health.  I’m a Christian; I grew up in a church I loved going to several times a week. If your faith isn’t strong enough to go without being in a particular building once a week (minimum), then the virus guidelines aren’t the biggest issue in your church career.  Church isn’t a building. It’s the people in it. You can come up with some creative ways to worship and still live. Is ‘fellowship’ important?  Yup. But would God give you a  brain to understand scientists who study the things He created?  I think He’d be mortified He gave you a brain at all.

What about what happens after you test negative?  Well, the full story isn’t really known since this isn’t a virus anybody has seen before all of this started.  Lung damage is likely from what is known. And more is coming out about brain damage. That could mean seizures (so medication and no booze for the rest of your life), or worse- as in staring off into space, wearing diapers that your friend from high school that you hated is changing, because she went to nursing school while you were boozing it up at the bar during a pandemic.  Sound fun?  Your petty dislike of that high school adversary changing your drawers, wiping crap off of your butt, and then putting moisture barrier cream on your nether regions , to prevent you from getting DIAPER RASH?  At age 21 ?    Your. Life. Will. Be. Over. As. You. Know. It.

Or, you could wear the mask for however long it takes to protect yourself, AND those around you, and live long enough to celebrate at the bar when the virus is less of a risk than falling off of the barstool.  If you’re still wanting to do what you want when you want (because you’re a selfish brat that acts like you’re still 3 years old), then you could speed things up and go sit in a low-water crossing during a gully-washer.  None of those who drown thought it would happen to them, either- and how many of you (in TX for sure) know someone, or know someone who knew someone who was swept away during a flash flood?   People will still talk about how stupid you were at your funeral (if they find your body), but at least there will be people you didn’t contaminate, still alive, to pay their respects.

Grow up – or become the poster child for birth control.

What happens to a body when the morgues and funeral homes are overrun? Search for “Farm of Rotting Bodies in Tennessee”.   Warning – it’s very graphic.

 

Why “Black Lives Matter” Is Important To ALL of Us

This was a  reply to another white poster on a FB page talking about ONLY expressing all love and peace to folks honoring the girl who took the video that gave ALL of us a window into the murder.  NO consideration for the justified anger and fear.
My reply:

    • We are white- we have no frame of reference for the generational oppression of African Americans... starting life behind the white kid born the same day, and having education, social, criminal justice, and employment systems all set out to keep black people in dependent roles or incarcerated. Do some get out of it? Yeah- but for the most part, from my understanding, that is extremely difficult.

      Watch “13th” and “When They See Us”. Watch “Selma”- whose primary issue is the RIGHT to vote for black Americans. Learn about ALEC- and look at the companies in it- it’s horrific. Laws are being made by people we don’t vote in, but by company executives and their Congressional buddies. Not what constituents want. If more people knew about ALEC and voted with their wallets, it would help.  Look up “Say Their Names”.

      Wouldn’t you be terrified if every time you left home, you knew you could get killed because you didn’t dim your bright car lights when you passed a cop car? Wouldn’t you be angry (and have it come out as hate) when WHITE people bought your ancestors like they bought and used a bag of flour? Those slave ships weren’t made by Carnival Cruises. The kidnapped slaves were chained together in horrible conditions, including having to endure the decomposition of those who died en route (who weren’t thrown overboard) with oozing bodily fluids and stench running against your legs? Can you even begin to understand that level of fear?  You and I don’t have the same generational history of being treated like we don’t matter. Ignorance has contributed to black oppression, and that can only be dealt with by whites,  whose ancestors thought owning humans was OK 400 years ago. The ignorance must stop.

      I’m adopted, and in looking up my biological family, I found out that I had ancestors who owned slaves. I bawled my eyes out, because the generations after them (and especially the last 2-3 generations) have been so pro-equality for all races. One of my great aunts refused to sit at “white” lunch counters. I’m so proud of her for standing up in the early 60s, and when I met her, she was very instrumental in opening my eyes. It hurts my heart to know that my ancestors thought it was OK to own people. All I can do is get educated, and stand on the side of what’s right- everybody deserves the same chance to succeed. And right now, we focus on Black Lives- as the majority of the police brutality is directed there. Black lives have been brutalized for centuries. That alone is enough for anger- but to be killed because the criminal justice system is rigged against black Americans?  How does this still happen?  WHY do we allow it to keep happening?  That’s on us.  Had it not been for Darnella Frazier’s video of the actual murder of George Floyd, the absolute ‘in your face’ mentality of the cop kneeling on Mr. Floyd’s neck, and the other two not stopping him wouldn’t have had the power it has had. We. Watched. A. Murder. Eight minutes and 46 seconds is plenty of time to change course- and nobody did. The bystanders tried, and were threatened.

      What if your spouse/ significant other POSSIBLY had a counterfeit $20 and your spouse/SO was killed because of it? Trying to breathe for almost 9 minutes?    ( I haven’t heard that the counterfeit bill was even confirmed. ANY of us could have one in our wallets – that’s why they use those pens to check paper money)   Mr. Floyd was begging for his Mama. We saw the life drain from him. What if that was something that the white community had happen? There would be all sorts of mayhem going on. And it wouldn’t be peaceful.   I know I’d have a period of time of intense rage that could very much seem like hate. And as much as I try not to hate, I’m sure I’d have periods of that, probably for the rest of my life. Why didn’t those cops just talk to Mr. Floyd? At best it was a misdemeanor that a white person would have been asked about, and sent home. Mr. Floyd was worth $20 to those cops. They could have let things chill, then go to the house, and have a chat.

      The protests in my community have been mixed groups, organized by some extremely smart young black folks. Black, white, Asian, Hispanic- all walking together. They have kept the police in the loop, who have tweeted their location so motorists can avoid the area to keep the protestors safe…. nobody hating anybody.  The police are protecting the protesters. When an intersection the protestors wanted to sit down in was too dangerous because it is a main road to the nearby hospital, the protestors found a different plan that worked out, and the police made sure they were safe.

      This latest round of black folks killed by white police is so fresh, and before we adjust to hearing another victim’s name, there’s another one, and another one.  And it feeds into the generational history of essentially being hunted down and killed, or owned. There are too many who have died senselessly for the anger to be soothed. Sweeping reforms in so many systems in the US must change to give everybody an equal footing from the start. The 400 years of being “owned” doesn’t lend itself well to trust just because we WISH things were different- we have to vote for politicians who will fight for equality that should have been taken care of with the Emancipation Proclamation, 13th Amendment, 14th Amendment, Civil Rights Act of 1964, and the 15th Amendment that was shown in Georgia THIS WEEK as being rigged towards whites. And again in Kentucky.  COVID-19, my ass… mail in ballots would make it fair for everyone.  Ever think what the real reason might be?  It’s another way to make it harder for persons of color to vote.

      We can pray for our lawmakers to do what is right. We can pray that the people who can make a difference for the longterm get it right. We can pray for our enemies- but we can also own our feelings. God gave them to us. We can show love- but to expect “love and peace” right now from African American citizens is pushing it imho. WE should all be outraged and fighting WITH them. We are in this together- but as whites, we have luxuries that blacks don’t have.  We don’t have to prove we’re innocent because we exist. We don’t get targeted for “suspicious behavior” (at least not without some blatant actions; a black guy just has to be there). It shouldn’t be harder for a black person to survive an encounter with police. White privilege isn’t about money or social standing. It’s about not being seen as guilty until proven innocent. It’s about being able to walk into a convenience store without the clerk looking to see where the gun is.  It’s about being given chances that we don’t earn, we just get them more easily.  That makes me ashamed.  I don’t want something that a black counterpart is ignored over.

      I’ve forgiven the guy who attacked me in 1987 (scrawny white guy), but I’m never going to be in the same room with him. I do parole protests every 3 years to get him to the 60 year sentence he changed his plea mid-trial to accept. But I’m not going to love him. I can forgive out of obedience to God. I can pray Numbnuts changes. I can pray he never hurts anyone else- but I certainly don’t trust him. I can wish him some sort of change that makes his life one that had purpose besides a lifetime of crime-literally from childhood, but that’s up to him. Imagine if ALL of my ancestors (who could be found) had been through the same thing. Would I trust scrawny white folks? The police were good to me (they found the guy in my bedroom, so not much guess work with blood on the walls and floor and table). But that’s not what is expected by the black community- they’ve seen too many of their own lying dead. That would make me fearful. And I just went through 6 hours of hell… imagine if it was an entire lifetime, with all who came before me on slave ships having had it exponentially worse? Just for being black. Just some  more melanin cells than white people. Those extra melanin cells are a protective mechanism that reduces the risk of skin cancer.  Melanin blocks UV light.  Some extra skin cells… that’s the ‘crime’.  It’s outrageously ridiculous to judge someone for how their skin is made. And yet that is the reality for black America.  

      Trust is going to be understandably difficult. The way we help with that is to vote and speak up for those who could be injured (or worse) for doing so. It’s also by listening and getting educated on the way slaves were treated, and the similarities to the treatment of people of color now. We learn about the REAL history of black America. Without them, America doesn’t exist. The financial infrastructure of early America was literally built off the backs of slaves. Without them, we’d never have made it to the Industrial Revolution.  Our white history books are a joke.  No more lip service.  We need to stand with our HUMAN brothers and sisters, and SHOW them we care. We can’t learn too much. Because too much is still not enough. Healing is going to take time. And it’s not up to white people to decide when enough is enough. We lost that right when the first slave was paid for.

      I haven’t heard one Black Lives Matter supporter say they want more than white Americans.  They just want the same chances. They want to be treated fairly. They want the same social, educational, employment, and criminal justice standards as their white counterparts.  They want to be seen as being valuable  and not guilty before any crime happens.  And if there is a crime committed and convicted, the same prison sentences as whites. Not a life sentence for mere marijuana possession – no distribution, no selling to kids… just having the stuff.

      Just mho. ❤️ I’m sorry it got so long- but this is a topic that demands our willingness to read and watch all we can to get SOME clue of the systemic racism that IS still a big problem in this country. We all belong. It’s way past time we treat people of color like they belong. I will never understand being black in America.  But I can have compassion, and do my best to hear what is said or understand what is written. And for the sake of all that is true, don’t say that the US isn’t plagued by systemic racism.

My White Experience With Police

I believe that most cops have integrity and restraint. I also believe there are some really, really bad folks who become cops.  And yes, I’m white. I’ve seen cops first hand, when I was raped (by a scrawny white guy with a big knife) and at least 10 police cars showed up, along with the press and a helicopter from the trauma center. Most of the officers stayed outside, guns drawn, aiming at my balcony. I was in the apartment directly under mine, with neighbors I’d met 2 days earlier, as I’d just moved in 10 days before the rape. The Sgt who ended up shooting the guy (I refer to him as Numbnuts- does he really need a human name?)  in my bedroom went through hell for the shooting- which was a good shooting. Another cop had cuffed one of Numbnuts  hands as he was dozing in my bed. Then Numbnuts sprang out of bed and beat up the first cop- a rookie, who then got tossed out of the apartment. The racket heard from my neighbors’ apartment was horrible- bodies hitting the ground, shelves knocked over, stuff breaking.

Now, there was a wounded COP, and myself as ‘victims’ when the Sgt who shot Numbnuts got there. He didn’t know I was already downstairs, so was on full “protect and serve” mode when he entered the apartment. He was trying to find me.

Numbnuts lunged at him with the cuffs swinging, and all that was visible to Sgt  was a blur of metal coming from the hand of the rapist. He shot him thinking he was going to be shot. Sgt  had to go through target practice and administrative leave (standard procedure) and got grief for not waiting for the SWAT team. He also got grief for not killing Numbnuts, but he was shooting a moving target. The bedroom wasn’t huge. but Numbnuts was all over the place. There was maybe 6 feet between Sgt  and Numbnuts. He did the right thing, even though Numbnuts didn’t have a gun. He’d already beat up another cop. There was no reason to expect him not to attack. He’d been going at me for six hours. And there was a blur of metal.

I was able to reconnect with that Sgt a few times. He sat with me in the hall during the trial- both of us smoking under a “No Smoking” sign (I figured I’d just say “I’m with him.” if anybody said anything. Nobody did.). He was my ‘guard’ as I waiting to testify, and he also was on the list to testify, but after I spent a couple of hours on the stand, Numbnuts changed his plea during the lunch break. Then I saw Sgt again when he was a patient where I worked, dealing with an injury from target practice (the target jerked his neck hard when the wind blew up strongly as he was carrying it back to wherever they keep cardboard bad guys). When I went into his room to say hello, I said “you might not remember me, but..” and before I could finish, he was on his feet hugging me, saying “I’ll never forget you.”, through tears.  And he didn’t. He told me that he was often awake at night thinking about that day.

I ended up working with one of Sgt’s relative’s wife, and sent him a note through her husband to thank him. He was my hero in Jan 1987. When I moved back to my home state, I was able to find him again online, and he e-mailed me how that day was from his side. He didn’t take that shooting lightly. He didn’t know where I was, or if I was hurt/dying in the apartment. He shot when he saw blurred metal coming up towards him. Nothing but a seconds, if that, to make a decision. He told me that people seem to think that police don’t think much about shooting someone, but that wasn’t accurate. The cops who  are good at their jobs live with those decisions for the rest of their lives-from a different perspective that isn’t talked about.  And those are the “good” shootings.  Not the ones that make the news because of racial bias.

He had PTSD-like symptoms from that shooting, and initially was not treated that well by some of his co-workers, for not waiting for SWAT. He made a judgement call to find me. Things got better before he retired. He died last year after years of dealing with a brain tumor and other medical issues. We e-mailed on and off- and I always knew I could e-mail him, as we were the only two who knew what went on during all of that morning.

As soon as I knew Numbnuts was shot, I just spaced out, and was focused on what was going to go on at the hospital with the rape exam/test kit, as well as figuring out where to stay. I could have stayed with my aunt and uncle, no question. But I wanted to be closer to my apartment, since I had to leave with nothing but the robe and slippers my 5-foot nothing, 90 pound neighbor put over the towel I had when I escaped barefoot. I needed to be able to get to my apartment quickly, with the police, to get belongings the next day, after the crime scene people were done. I was able to stay with a co-worker about a mile from my apartment, and she went with me to the police station to finish the statement (7 typed pages over 2 days of giving the police information about what happened), and to the apartment where we met the police (who had to unseal the crime scene tape from the door- and they had my keys).  I found fingerprint dust, a lot of blood in the bedroom, smudged bloody handprints on the walls, my blood in various places, and the blown out sliding glass door in the bedroom (that the apartment complex wanted me to pay for; I was told to tell them that their insurance should cover it- and that I wasn’t in the apartment when the damage happened). I was still ‘shocky’, but was able to get my purse, car, and some clothes to get me through the week, so I could sort out where I was going to live- I couldn’t go back to that apartment.

 

I know that there are way too many documented stories about ‘bad cops’.  Every one of the police I dealt with that day, from the first guys on the scene to the detectives who worked Sex Crimes treated me well.  I had a lot of things that worked in my favor- like the guy being in my bed when the first cop got there. Everything that I told the police was backed up by blood stains (mine) in the apartment, as well as the bruises that showed up on my face and jaw, the hole in my lip where my teeth went through it, and the injuries noted during the rape exam. As a nurse, I’ve talked with police when they needed to talk to  patients. I couldn’t tell them anything other than “yes, it’s OK to knock and see if they want to talk”. And yes, I’m white. This all happened in 1987, when we didn’t have 24/7 news, so many things weren’t known by anybody outside of a specific area. Now we know a lot more.

For those who have had negative associations of police, I’m so sorry that it turned out that way in your situation.  I’m sorry if you’ve lost a family member or friend because of a cop that wasn’t following procedure and caused injury (physical or emotional) or death. I’m sorry if you’ve been targeted because of your race. I don’t know how you feel– but I have seen footage, and am incredibly sad and angry about what I’ve seen.  I’m angry about the kids left behind without a parent or other family member. I’m horrified that we’re not further along in seeing all  people in our country as worthy of our compassion, especially after so many years of oppression (yes, I believe this country is racist). It’s been 401 years since the first slave ship came to the US ( 1619, landing in Point Comfort, in what would become Virginia; the 20 slaves had been kidnapped by the Portuguese and transported by them).  I have found various “first slave ship” info – so if someone wants to comment about others, please feel free to do so.   The Emancipation Proclamation was signed on January 1, 1863… 157 years since slavery was abolished and we need to do so much better.  White folks in general need to listen, not assume. We need to address the disparity in the criminal justice system.  We need to look out for each other. We need to do a lot of things.  And we need to remember that people need to have police that respect them as human beings. Many do.  But we need to do better.

But I CAN understand why many don’t see it that way.

So Much For Medical Cannabis… I’m Done With THC

I gave it a go for a little over 2 years.  I had to try it to know I’d done what I could to avoid staying on opiates, but I can’t take the increasing pain of the progressive sensory neuropathy, degenerative disc disease, degenerative joint disease, fibromyalgia, and now gout, with THC.  I’ll still take the CBD as a supplement, as it helped me to get off of one anticonvulsant completely (I’ve got a seizure disorder), and %40 of another- along with the meds to deal with the side effects.  This week, I went back to the pain management doc that I’ve seen on and off for over a decade, and got pain meds (patch), as well as an injection in my neck. I kind of feel like I failed right now, even though intellectually I know that’s not accurate.  I have to be practical, and safe.  My quality of life and ability to get anything done around the house isn’t possible with the pain. My legs shake, and I become unsteady.  There are no brownie points for needless suffering. I don’t use the word ‘suffer’ lightly, as it feels like another way to play the victim. But it’s been bad.

Something else that made trying THC something to consider is the emphasis on those who use opiates as inevitable future junkies. It’s actually far from inevitable. Studies have shown for decades that those who use prescription pain meds as ordered are very unlikely to become addicted to them. The terms tolerance and dependence aren’t explained, and everybody gets lumped together.  People who use medications AS PRESCRIBED will likely develop dependence and tolerance if they take them for a while (ever had a caffeine-withdrawl headache? Same concept.)  Those terms are not the same as addiction. Addiction is driven by emotional issues, and the individual trying to relieve emotional pain with medication for physical pain. No amount of the wrong medication for any problem will ever relieve the real issue. This explains that addiction is a combination of behaviors and substances (that can be drugs, alcohol, food, the ‘high’ from gambling, and other things that trigger positive responses in the pleasure center in the brain).

https://www.mentalhelp.net/addiction/

There are now so many restrictions on who can prescribe what meds in medical groups, that the writing was on the wall- pain medication was the new ‘evil’.  Never ask a doctor for something for pain, no matter how many documented diagnoses there are.  I felt I needed an option if the restrictions got worse. I’d like to see the statistics for the increase in heroin users after hydrocodone was made a Schedule II drug (in the class with morphine, hydromorphone, and other very strong opiates). The ‘rules’ are always made because of the behavior of rule breakers. That ‘logic’ escapes me… it’s not like the rule breakers will suddenly jump on the straight and narrow. They’ll find a new way to break rules.   The rules don’t take into account those who do what they’ve been instructed to do. Should there be good follow-up with those on prescription pain medications ?  Absolutely.  But there is no reason to make anybody “live” with pain that limits their life to the point of decreased mobility to avoid more pain even within their own home.   This article has some good explanations about the differences between tolerance, dependence, and addiction.

Distinguishing Between Pain-Related Dependence and Addiction

Some of the issues I’ve had with the THC include the following  (I realize some folks have had good results with THC- this is MY experience):

–  I can’t know if the same strain is in each bottle of the stuff I got, as  no strain of cannabis is listed on the tablets/capsules/edibles containers that I’ve used (I don’t smoke the stuff- the stench is not welcome in my house. Dry herb vaping- no solvents at all- just the dry cannabis that vaporizes, not combusts- was also not going to work because of the coughing). There are literally hundreds of strains of cannabis.  Third-party testing is on the container (required by law), but not the strain, aside from a general sativa, indica, or hybrid.   I don’t know if it’s strain-consistent from batch to batch– just the number of milligrams of ‘whatever’.  Different strains are good for different things. And some have more likelihood to cause specific side effects- can’t know what might be causing what if no strain is listed.

I live alone. Some of the effects of THC are not safe on a mobility level.  My balance goes wonky if a strain is stronger than what I’m used to, and I’m already one fall away from needing help with more than just the lawn, snow removal, and grocery delivery.  I can’t risk that. My joints are already trash. It wouldn’t take much to finish off  my shoulders, hips, or knees. Or end up with compression fractures in my spine. That means my independence is at risk, and that is something I won’t even consider. If I can’t be at home with my dog, it’s over.

–  the dryness of my eyes was horrible. I was either dripping with tears (that burned) as my body tried to protect my eyes, or using artificial tears to not feel like I’d had cotton shoved into my eyeballs. That also caused blurred vision to the point of not being able to read anything without a 10x – 30x lighted magnifying glass (some print is tiny on a good day anyway… I couldn’t see individual words. Watching TV was lousy, and the computer (my lifeline) was nearly useless. A blue light filter helped a little- but not enough.

the ‘thought stealing’ sensation was too weird.  I could be thinking about something, then it would just be gone, and it was going too fast to get back.  That is unsettling, especially because the awareness of it was acute. Even harder to carry on a conversation with another actual human being.

there isn’t a consistent time when it takes effect.  I used it mostly to help ease the pain so I could sleep. If I waited too long to turn the lights out and drift off, I got a literal body ‘buzzing’ sensation (hence the term buzzed), or floating, or like I couldn’t move.  There was a sensation in my head that something wasn’t right – not necessarily bad- but not OK.  There’s a term called ‘couch lock’- and that’s what it feels like- being locked to the furniture, almost being part of it.  There was nothing about those sensations that will ever be desirable to me.

it’s useless for acute pain.  I broke my ankle a few months after getting my medical cannabis card.  I iced it, and had it wrapped (before getting an x-ray a week later- thought it might be a sprain similar to what I’d seen with adolescent patients who landed wrong while playing basketball).  I felt guilty using some Norco from 2014.  I used 3 full doses and 3 1/2 doses in 6 weeks.  And I hurt a lot more than was necessary.  I was diagnosed with gout a couple of weeks ago after a nasty flare that was a kind of pain I hadn’t felt before- tiny crystals in the joint felt like someone was sitting on a chair into the bone on top of my foot.  One urgent care a couple of months earlier, with milder but definitely ‘not right’ pain, thought it could be a blood clot (minus warmth, redness, swelling, or any other symptoms of a clot). The second urgent care a few weeks ago had a very astute nurse practitioner who knew to check my uric acid level, which came back very high.  I was on prednisone for 5 days, which jacked my blood sugars badly, but the prednisone did the trick to help that first flare. I’d already decided not to use the THC over a month ago, so was using my trusty ice packs, and the vintage Norco in 1/2 doses x 4 over a week.

Part of another disorder I have (dysautonomia) causes some similar symptoms to the side effects of THC, and I pay good money for the meds needed to help NOT to feel those symptoms. Why would I make it worse on purpose?   That is so bizarre and counter-intuitive. I don’t want to feel even a tiny bit stoned. I took microdoses after getting the CBD dose figured out (more on that in a minute), and still had side effects that are not acceptable to me.

I can see where it could be useful for severe PTSD, where escape is the only way to get any sort of relief from memories and flashbacks. I guess it could help with anxiety IF someone finds a strain that is consistent (those who smoke cannabis can get strains consistently, or those who want to make their own edibles and don’t care about consistent dosing). But for folks who are using that type of quantity, I’d hope they were housebound, and had access to someone to drive them anywhere they needed to go.  I never took a dose if I had to drive to an appointment.  I’d just have to hurt, and take a dose after getting home.  Once I did take a dose, there was never any desire to leave home.

There are people who have had positive experiences– and initially, my psoriasis was completely cleared up. Then came the hyperemesis cannabinoid syndrome, with months of nausea and eventual vomiting. I’m not a puker- that’s what put it together for me.  During 20 months of daily chemo for leukemia, I barfed once on day 8.   Because I didn’t have accurate info from a very well known CBD producer about the specific amount of CBD (not the total cannabinoid dose), I didn’t have the THC dose right- CBD helps counteract side-effects of THC. I also had a gallstone that was acting up, and that blended into the symptoms of the build up of THC because of using it daily, and I was SICK.  (The half-life of THC is very long, with some still showing up in drug tests more than 4 weeks after the last use, and with dietary changes that alter body fat percentages, more can be released months after the last dose- used to freak out the detox patients I took care of years ago).  I went through ultrasounds, CT scans, lab work, surgical consults, a bitch of a GI nurse practitioner, etc because it was thought that there was something going on besides the gallstone. I had THC continuing to build up, and  I didn’t know the accurate dose on that one brand’s product (if you use CBD, you want to see the exact amount of CBD per specific quantity of product- and third party testing). Everybody and their wombat is on the hemp bandwagon, and  saying how wonderful hemp oil  is, but non-CBD hemp oil (like on Amazon)  has no CBD, and is good for salad dressing- and you can get plain hemp oil for about $20 for a quart; the “therapeutic” hemp oil can be $50 an OUNCE- for essentially nothing). Hemp oil does have Omega 3 fatty acids, and hemp hearts (I like the ones without the little shells) taste a lot like pine nuts, but much smaller. Those are just flat out food- nothing specifically “magical” about it. Just another healthy fat source.

I’m a disabled RN; I’ve been an RN for 35 years, disabled for 15 years, where I’ve been my own full-time job.  Anything used to relieve symptoms MUST be consistent.  And I can’t get that with commercial medical cannabis products.  Some of the CBD companies out there are isolating other cannabinoids (CBG and CBN are two I’ve tried, and CBN has been good for sleep, though I only take it if I’ve been having trouble sleeping for a few days. Some brands of full-spectrum are out there- just don’t generally get the amount of each cannabinoid, so I’m not a fan of those). I don’t need a state-issued card for CBD. I get it online. Just like any herbal supplement.

And that’s what they are.  THC and CBD are not medication- which left me confused when talking to my pain doc during my visit. When I got home, I realized he hadn’t seen the way I’d printed out my list of medications and supplements, putting the CBD in the same area with vitamins and Co-Q 10, under a line of *****, separating the medications from the supplements.  The person who filled out their form with the list I’d typed up didn’t need to keep the typed one- so I agree with my doc, but I was scratching my head for a few minutes, as it seemed like he felt I considered THC and CBD to be actual medications. I agree with him on the characterizing THC and CBD as supplements. They are not medications. People use them like medications, but there are no studies proving efficacy, side effects, contraindcations, doses, longterm impact,  etc- and that’s what those of us who have used medical cannabis signed up for.  We knew it was an experiment, but desperation will lead people to anything that could be a source of hope.

I needed to try it. I wanted the hope of something different. And now I know.  For me, THC is unpleasant, and ineffective for what I needed it for.

Dealing with Isolation That Isn’t By Choice

For some folks, this is the first time they’ve had their lives altered by forces outside of their control.  For others, nobody has ever been kind enough to tell them ‘no’ before. While it’s not physically painful, and having to be in one’s own home is the biggest loss of mobility, it can be a source of anxiety and depression.  It seems like it will never end.  For some of us, this is our normal. Medical disability has had me housebound except for MD appointments  (and earlier monthly grocery store trips, and maybe lunch with my dad once or twice a year) since 2004. I’m an RN. I’d like nothing better to be working.  But my body broke.  That’s just backstory stuff.  Here’s my point- you can get through this.  The ambiguity of when “normal” returns is unsettling, but there are things you can do to cope.  I won’t say ‘adapt’, because most of you will go back to being able to freely come and go as you wish.  ‘Adapt’ implies permanent.  ‘Cope’ deals with a temporary situation, whether it’s for a few weeks, or months.

Here are some ideas. 

Read “The Diary of Anne Frank” (again, if you’ve already read it).  It offers perspective, and also has simple things to do to cope with having to “hide away”.  It’s also a testament to resilience- and that nobody now will go to the gas chamber. Just read it.

Do your own journaling. It doesn’t have to be fancy or structured. Just write- words, sentences, phrases, doodle, or cohesive entries. It’s all good. And it will be your own history of what is going on in YOUR life. Let the despair have a voice. Let the funny things be memorialized. There is no right or wrong way to do it- just do what works for you.

Make a Coronavirus dart board. If you don’t have darts, do the old “pin the tail on the donkey” thing with push pins, safety pins, tiny nails, or whatever.  Draw your weapon of choice, put the pin in it, and go after that ugly virus. Ideas for ‘waapons’- soap, hand sanitizer, mask, vaccine, testing, sense of humor (viruses are so serious), or whatever you want to use to kill the virus.

Plan your “exit party”.  Make a list of the folks you’ve missed seeing the most, and plan a lunch, snacks and a movie, or whatever you like to do.  Get detailed. Know your budget- and aim for things that won’t break an already stressed ‘bank’.

Research online (use good sources- nothing with the credit cards they accept at the bottom of the article, or researchers you can’t find if you Google them).  Learn about the immune system (the skin is the first line of defense). Learn about medical testing procedures. Learn about anything that will help you feel less vulnerable to the unknown.  There IS a lot we don’t know with COVID-19- but you can get info on other types of disorders/diseases. Keep your brain active.

Consider the big picture. There are approx 330 million people in the US.  For the sake of simplicity, I’m going to use 1,350,000 positive cases of COVID-19 in the US for today.  That’s an overall infection rate (that we know of) of %0.004.  That’s LOW.  It will rise, and each person who gets sick is not insignificant, but statistically speaking, the rate is miniscule.  Of those who get it, %0.05 die, Yes- EVERY death is a horrible loss. But you are SO much more likely to recover. 

LISTEN to the officials who are recommending specific measures to lessen the number of additional infections. If you are too special to wear a mask or follow the guidelines, then you could kill someone just by being stubborn and selfish. Don’t let that be what you’re known for.  Nobody is asking for a kidney, or the child you like the most. Wear a mask. Stay 6 feet between other people.  Don’t be stupid.  Everybody wants the country to go back to normal.  CLUE: that won’t happen overnight. The more people who get this virus, the longer there are restrictions on  restaurants, theaters, malls, salons, stores, sports games, etc.

You are not too young to get this.  Babies and very young kids have gotten the virus and died. Do you want to live, or try to convince people how you can’t get the virus?  At your funeral, they’ll just think you were a fool who wasted your life.

Be smart, and you’re going to get through this, and resume your life. Nobody knows exactly how long all of the ‘going back to normal’ could take- could be years for some businesses. But be thankful for what you have- not what you don’t.   Learn about how the US has come through nationwide crises in the past… we were fortunate.  And the folks who navigated WWII are considered “The Greatest Generation” for very good reason.
They bucked up and did what needed doing.

-This is from The History Channel
https://www.history.com/topics/world-war-ii/us-home-front-during-world-war-ii

And, get help if you are feeling so overwhelmed that you’re often in a very dark place.
-The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 am–6 pm, ET.
1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org

Free 24/7 support at your fingertips  US and Canada: text 741741.   UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 086 1800 280

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline    1-800-273-8255

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo- far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

“It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.”
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“On the other side of a storm is the strength that comes from having navigated through it. Raise your sail and begin.”
― Gregory S. Williams

What You Do IS Enough- COVID-19 Has Tied Your Hands

To all of the essential workers- 

You can only do what  you can do.

You are making a huge difference .

You are helping keep things from getting worse.

You were not given any choice in how this virus works.

You can’t control how it impacts a specific person.

Even what feels like a small kindness might be the last kindness someone knows- and THAT is huge.  

This will not last forever, but your work will. Every time you hold a hand, or wipe a tear, every time you give someone news – good or bad- the way you do that will be what someone remembers about such a horrific time.  You make the ultimate difference in the healing of a family who wasn’t able to be with their loved one.  For those who are working in non-medical areas, your work keeps those at home safe. You keep more people from getting sick.

That is one incredible legacy.    This one ratty, disabled RN would be proud to stand with you any day of the week. YOU are redefining the industry where you work.  And you are not forgotten.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

After The Pandemic, Get Ready for Emergencies

So many folks were caught in situations where they didn’t have a supply of emergency food, medications, baby items, first aid supplies, etc.   Now, it’s very hard to get some items.   I’m not a homesteading, off-the-grid prepper, but I do have back-up supplies on hand.  These items are basic for storm prep, and general having back-up if the unexpected happens (illness, unemployment, etc).   Here are some basics for how to start to stock up without breaking the bank.

Make a list of common household products you use- cleaners, paper goods, laundry items, dishwashing soap, and a bin to store them in.   Try to spend %5-20 of your grocery/supply budget on stocking up (for all goods, including food). Prioritize water (including purifying), food, cleaning supplies, toiletries, medications and first aid items.

Make a list of shelf-stable foods that you like. There’s no point in getting some chalky protein bar if eating it is like chewing on a coconut mat.  Canned fruits, veggies, tuna, soups, boxed milk, rice, pasta, beans, grains, baking goods, sauces, condiments, etc.  Keep the dates visible, and use the ones that have less than 3 months left on them- purchasing replacements ASAP.

WATER:  For folks with wells, or in the event of a flood that contaminates drinking water, you will need to stock up on water.  One to two gallons per person per day, and 1/2 gallon for dogs/cats/pets.  There are many water storage products out there, as well as purification products for water collected from outside sources, or water that has been stored for a while. There are also bathtub liners for water storage, but those should be filled at the last possible minute (being told to stay at home might be a good time).  If the water reclamation plant near you is compromised, your tap water won’t be good.  If you have a well, and the electricity goes out, you won’t have a working well pump.

Toiletries- baby wipes, dry shampoo, no-rinse products, towels, washcloths.  Also, if your toilet needs electricity to flush (well/septic system), you might consider a commode chair used by folks with limited mobility.  Get trash bags that fit the bucket, and put cat litter in the bag.  Use the bag for a few times, adding more cat litter.  You are just trying to mask the smell- so no need to dump a whole bag of litter in the bag- the bag will break.

For kids- make sure you have age/size appropriate items, being sure to rotate formula, and update diaper sizes.  Nothing will go to waste if you rotate and use products before they either don’t fit anymore, or are no longer used.

For longterm storage food, I like the freeze dried products- and Emergency Essentials is as good as any.  They have decent prices for survival food- and the food is tasty.  The fruits and veggies, and even some of the meats are tasty out of the can (conserve water).  They have a huge assortment of products.

https://beprepared.com

Also, a crank or solar power radio could be your only communication.  There are a lot of potential threats, but it’s easy to have a basic set up for an extended period of time without completely breaking the bank.  Get what you like, and store it properly (dry, cool, and not in garages or attics.

Be sure to have medications and first aid supplies, including things to stop bleeding (there are dressings that do that), strong bandages, a splint or two, antibiotic ointment, soap, and water for wound care.

Entertainment.  Be sure to have playing cards, board games, puzzle books, toys for kids, hobby supplies, BOOKS (including on survival),  etc.  You need distraction.  You might even keep a journal of how you experience drastic disruptions to normal life.

Don’t announce what you have. In a situation where civil unrest becomes an issue, your stash could jeopardize your life.  I also keep small bottles of booze to use for barter, and a modest amount of cash on hand.

Be ready, not left wondering where you will get food and supplies.

Message to Young Nurses Working With COVID-19 Patients

I saw the news of young nurses (those who graduated well after 2000)  impacted by the storm of COVID-19 patients. They never knew what it was like not to have Universal Precautions as part of daily ‘norms’ at work.  They’re scared and angry, and that is so very understandable.  In normal times, all of this would be absolutely unthinkable.  But these are not normal times.  This is a global situation that was not fully appreciated until it hit US. Many warnings had been issued over the last several decades.   Mistakes were made.   In the US, we tend to think that we’re immune to things that happen in other parts of the world.  While 9/11 erased a bit of that, it has never hit us in a medical battle like this, for the vast majority of people alive now.  Viruses don’t care about what country they’re in.  Every country on the planet is trying to get equipment, from PPE (gloves, gowns, masks, face shields, etc) to ventilators.  EVERY. COUNTRY.  There is little in the way of  inventory to purchase.  Add that the US government is outbidding states’ governors, and it’s a total cluster.  I’ve been an RN for 35 years, though have been disabled for many years now. I have the ‘luxury’ of watching this, but wish so much that I could be there helping. It goes against everything in me to not be of use during this time. So, I write. It’s all I have to offer.  My mom’s grandma died in the Spanish Flu of 1918. Pandemics influenced my family in how my mom’s mom did NOT cope with the death of her mom. Her father died a year later.  She stayed broken.  She raised kids as a broken mom. None of this is “just” the current situation… there will be collateral damage.  But we have to protect the caretakers AS BEST WE CAN with what PPE is available. Now. 

Time speeds up as you get older, so this may sound like ages ago, but it’s really not.  In the mid-80s, AIDS was still relatively new, not well understood, and another cause of fear and much discrimination. It was different, as there were higher risk groups. COVID-19 just needs a breathing body.  We didn’t have Universal Precautions until 1987. There was typically one box of gloves at the nurses’ station, and those were only for “Code Browns” (a poop situation beyond the ability of one person to deal with) or massive bleeding- and that was at the discretion of the nurse.  This is when I started nursing.  It’s just how things were.  We did have isolation carts for AIDS patients, with gowns and gloves.  Masks were only used for suctioning, and face shields weren’t even imagined. I don’t remember ever having protective eyewear.   We gave IM and IV meds with syringes that had needles. Not everybody had an IV pump… and Dial-a-Flows were rationed.   We were expected to be careful.  We also had up to 14 patients on an acute neurological/neurosurgical floor on the night shift PER NURSE.   It wasn’t until 1996 that Universal Precautions became “standard precautions”, and were considered part of basic care.  I taught infection control at a nursing home in the mid-90s.  Back then menstrual blood wasn’t considered a risk, and the guidelines were “if it has not saturated the pad to the point of dripping, it can be disposed of in regular trash cans”, which stunned me back then. Now, I can’t imagine putting any sort of blood in the regular trash.  Things change.

Governors are doing all they can to get enough PPE, but when it will arrive isn’t set in stone, especially with the “eBay” manner in which they are having to purchase supplies.  The feds aren’t  looking out for anybody on the frontlines. So it’s time for ingenuity and remembering that these are not normal situations.  Normal rules are out the window in a crisis.  This is more like M*A*S*H than 2020 hospitals.  Mentality has to adjust. Some conservation now may mean even more critical availability later.

It troubles me a lot that so many people who are dealing with this crisis are going to develop (if they haven’t already)  PTSD.  The repeated stress and life-altering/life-threatening situations does something to a person.  Please reach out to someone when (not if) you are overwhelmed.  Remember that this will not last forever.  The overall percentage  of people in the US who have this now is still statistically insignificant (a bit over 331,000 positive cases right now… with a population of 330M in the US, that is %0.001).  The folks who have this are not in any way insignificant, nor is their suffering or the loss felt by the family, friends, and coworkers of those who die from COVID-19… but from a pure numbers standpoint many, many more people are OK.  With that same 331,000, 9441 have died- that’s %0.03 of those who are positive. That’s 33 times less than %1.  Just of those who are positive.  The death rate is %0.0000000003 of the total population. I know you’re still swamped and getting slammed. But feeling like ‘everybody’ is sick can be another stressor.  For those in hotspots right now, I realize that how it feels is what is hard, because it seems so non-stop.  It will get better. Not today and not this week, or maybe not even this month… but it will get better.  We will know a time when this isn’t all over the news anymore.  And hopefully, we’re better for it.  This can’t happen in vain.

So, nurses who haven’t known a time without standard precautions, hang in there.  Bring your ideas to your managers about how to conserve PPE.  When all of the patients are positive for COVID-19, how many times do you need to change gowns?  I know reusing some things sounds absolutely counter-intuitive. I’ve seen some creative things on the news from the nurses in the thick of things.  You can change how this goes with your ideas.  Hoping for more PPE is fine- just don’t expect it on a timetable that is “normal”.  Nothing about this is normal.  Including what you have to do as a nurse or other caretaker.

Would I want to work with less PPE?  Absolutely not. But there IS no bounty of  PPE now- it’s all rationed, when it’s available.  And it’s because every corner of the country is going to see this virus hit close to home.  The hotspots need things now.  Until it gets there, what else can you use? How can you change the policies for a catastrophic influx of patients?  How do you stay safe?

Time Buffers… It Does Not Heal All Wounds

Four years ago this morning, my dad called me at around 8:00 a.m.  He knew I generally slept until noon (up all night), so I knew it was something different and serious before I answered the phone.  He told me he couldn’t walk right, and asked if I could come to the house and see what I thought (have been an RN since 1985, though disabled for the last 15 years- I keep up with medical stuff by keeping myself alive).  I asked him if I had time for a shower, anticipating we’d be going to the ER, and he said yes, but don’t take too long. Dad had been having back issues and some weird symptoms on and off since the November prior to March 3, 2016.  He needed a better work-up, and at this point, the ER was our best bet.

I took my shower and packed my meds/insulin figuring that I’d be away from home for hours.  Then I drove to the house.  I wasn’t really prepared for what I saw.  Dad stood up when I came down the hallway after letting myself in with the garage door opener I kept for checking his house when he was on vacations.  Dad was standing next to the bed, with ‘balance’ that looked like someone trying to stand on an inner tube in a pool.   He had no clue where his body was in space (proprioception problem).  I told him to sit down, and I’d get what he needed.  First order of business was breakfast, even though I suggested he wait because of any lab tests  that might be done, but if I didn’t feed him, he wasn’t going to the hospital.  OK… food first.  I don’t even remember what I got for him. I do know it was in a bowl, and doubt I made oatmeal, so likely cold cereal.

His lady friend (not going into detail about her, as she was a self-serving “care taker” who was handy on occasion) came over and got some of his belongings together to take in case he was admitted.  I wasn’t going to take him home in his condition, so started getting my speech ready for that conversation with the ER doc.   I got his electric shaver and warm washcloth, as well as his toothbrush- he wasn’t going anywhere ungroomed.  Then I told him I was calling 911, since I knew there was no way to get him in and out of the car safely with what I saw of his balance issues.   He didn’t argue.  I knew he was scared.

The ambulance took some time to get to the house, as his address was in the county (by one block), and the station responsible for sending emergency help was several miles away.  They came in and got him loaded up, and I told them in no uncertain terms that we were to go to a specific hospital that wasn’t the closest.  His vital signs were fine, and he was not in respiratory, cardiac, or any other distress physically.  They agreed.  I followed in my car (and lady friend took her car).

I told the folks at the ER that I needed to be back with dad, since he tended to downplay things to strangers.  They needed to know about the months of erratic symptoms.  They also needed to know that dad would not do anything medically unless he could ask ME if it was legit.  He used to say he was getting a return on his investment in sending me to nursing school.  They let me back as soon as they had him gowned up.  He was terrified.

As with any ER, it takes time to sort through everything and get testing done.  We were there for at least 9 hours, in which time he had several tests done, including an MRI that almost didn’t happen because of dad’s claustrophobia.  He almost changed his wishes for a traditional casket burial because of claustrophobia.  They sedated him (a Benadryl made him loopy for a couple of days, so the stuff they gave him IV really made him blotto, which is what he needed so the MRI could happen).  They found some strange lesions on his spine- not what we were expecting.  There was talk of sending him home (alone), and I pitched a semi-dignified fit.  They said that the ER was for finding problems – and not necessarily to admit people. I told them of his living situation, my disability in not being able to care for him adequately when he couldn’t transfer safely, and the other safety issues in sending him home.  They did admit him, and he never saw his home of 40 years again.

I’ll never forget that day, or the 19 hours on April 3-4, 2016, just a month after he was admitted, and going a rehab facility that repeatedly blew off his complaints of abdominal pain.  On April 4, 2016,  he died after a diverticula that hadn’t been diagnosed ruptured and caused catastrophic infections in his abdomen, extending into his bladder and  filling it with gas.  He was a great dad- and I’m so fortunate to have ‘landed’ with him when I was adopted at 10 days old.  He is still missed daily, though it’s easier to remember the good and goofy stuff.  My mom died in 2003, and I couldn’t anticipate the devastation of losing my last parent, and the one who was constantly looking out for me and my best interests starting from that first day in 1963. I didn’t grow  up with siblings.  My mom did things in her own way to show her love, but dad was more open about it. We had a great relationship when I became an adult, and I could tell him anything.  When I was younger, I didn’t appreciate his work stress, or the ways he made sure that all vacations included things just for me along with general sight-seeing.  He’d go out of his way to make sure I got something special out of each trip.

I now live in his house (was also my home for 9 years as a teenager through nursing school), and I’m so thankful.  I have him, and my mom, in every room of this house, whether it’s some trinket or photo, or memories of things that we did here.  I couldn’t live anywhere else.  It’s home.  It’s my family in a house.  It’s what I have left.

When Death Steals Justice From a Murdered Baby’s Mom

This week, the mother of murdered 4-month old Paul Villareal died after a very brief, and unexpected illness.  She was waiting for the trials to start in early 2020 in five murders, including that of little Paul.  She’d been waiting since 1981 for justice to be within grasp.  She won’t see that day.  Her son Paul’s killer will finally be held to account for what she did to Paul, his mother, and entire family.

Her family is now trying to find the way to pay for the burial their mom wanted, and Paul’s youngest sister is doing her best to make sure that happens, but she needs help. While she didn’t want to ask for help, doing a GoFundMe was the most likely way to get the funding as soon as possible, so she can bury her mom, who did not want to be cremated.  I’m now asking for help as well for this family.  They’ve been through so much.

No matter how much or little folks can help, it all matters, and I know personally that the family is extremely grateful and humbled for any help.  I’m in regular online contact with Paul’s sister. This is legit.

 Whether or not you can donate, please pass the link along : 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/mom039s-cemetery-expenses

For those who are unfamiliar with the hell Jones put dozens of families through in the early 1980s, I’m including an article by the author of a book by the same name, “The Death Shift”, which is considered by the families to be the most accurate book on the hell they went through. They were interviewed for the book.

https://www.texasmonthly.com/articles/the-death-shift-2/

Jones had been due to be released in March of 2018 because of the “mandatory release” law, that was amended in late 1987, and later excluded violent offenders.

By Elizabeth Zavala of MySA— after the death of Chelsea McClellan’s mom, who was fighting so hard for the additional indictments, and a huge support to the families.

https://www.expressnews.com/news/local/article/Moms-keep-up-fight-despite-loss-of-ally-14423719.php

More background on Jones and the alleged murders of 46 babies/toddlers:
https://abcnews.go.com/US/nurse-suspected-killing-46-kids-prison/story?id=19852141

https://www.tpr.org/post/evidence-destroyed-hospital-cover-needed-genene-jones-prosecution