A Summary Of High School

I’ve been thinking about this on and off, and I’m sure there’s more rattling around in my thick skull than I can fit in one ‘basic’ length blog, so I’ll start with the basics !  I went to a school that was, at the time, a school where over %70 of the kids went on to college. (Now it’s a pit, from what I’ve heard). There were many opportunities for advanced placement classes, and because of the number of kids in school, a very long 10-period day to ensure all kids had the chance to get the minimum 5 classes in each day- at least during my first two years- then I think it dropped to 8 periods in a day and I was expected to keep busy in all of them to get ahead. My dad was the principal of that high school. That wasn’t so bad on some levels (ride to school each day, didn’t have to carry my books home on foot, there if I needed lunch money), but on the other hand, I never knew who actually wanted to be my friend, or just wanted to get some message to my dad. I’ve got yearbook signings that tell me to “tell your dad….”.  That was never received well. My suggestion to those folks was to go talk to him themselves.

My freshmen year, a couple of things stand out.  I started that year when I was 13 years old. I was always younger, as my birthday is in November. I was used to that. The second thing that happened that year was the murder of my figure skating coaches’ six children by her husband on January 7, 1978 (Google: Simon Peter Nelson).  I had no way of knowing how to cope, and the overall message of that whole thing was if parents get mad at each other, kids can die.  I’ve never stopped wondering how my coach managed to carry on with life. I saw her a few times after that when she returned to the rink; then she sort of disappeared months later. Word had it that she’d changed her name and moved away.  I could understand her needing to leave, but I was a young teenager, and really felt connected to this coach. She’d call me when I was babysitting one of my ‘regular’ kids to see if I was ok. On the ice, she’d joke around and show me adult attention that my mom wasn’t capable of doing. She was a role model. I missed her deeply. I had absolutely no life skills to help me cope with all of that, and didn’t know where to go for help.

Another part of my freshmen year involved the residual effects of a couple of bad concussions I’d gotten in eighth grade. I’d fallen off of the uneven parallel bars early in the year, and in the spring, during rehearsal for a skating show, I landed hard on the ice…that one was bad. I’d landed directly on my head- no ‘butt’ hitting first, from what I was told. My folks were in Brazil, and I refused to give the people at the rink my grandparents’ phone number (grandma would have been hysterical worrying).  Anyway, I’d begun having some nasty headaches, and what have since been diagnosed as complex partial seizures. But at the time, the testing available didn’t show anything wrong, so I was told to quit complaining. So I just shut up, but still hurt, and I was still having times when I felt spacey.  I felt completely misunderstood. And alone.

My sophomore year was relatively mellow.  I did meet the first guy I dated for any length of time, and had a lot of fun when I was out with him. We spent time on the phone in the evenings, and most of our dates involved doing outdoor sports. He also taught me to drive his Audi Fox in his church parking lot.  We’re still in contact, thanks to reconnecting on FaceBook. My grades that year weren’t too bad.  I had started dabbling with over the counter cold medications to numb the pain from the murders, and my chronic headaches.  If I looked spacey, chances are I was taking very legal, unsuspected drugs. I had also been told  I no longer liked skating…really?  I LOVED skating- but that was the way I was told that lessons were over.  I later found out that my coach and another person at the rink had approached my mom about intensifying training to get into the national competition circuit.  I would have moved into the rink if someone would have allowed it.  Another loss.

Junior year was a train wreck.  I was taking over the counter medications fairly regularly. Babysitting money bought them, and since they were legal, nobody thought to ask about them. Plus, I was known as a ‘good’ kid.  I was still not doing well in dealing with the murders, and then my grandmother died in October. She’d been sick for about nine months, and happened to die when my folks were in Florida looking for a winter condo. My other grandparents were staying with me when I got the call at school  to call my uncle at my grandfather’s house before I left school. That was kind of weird, but I complied, and was given the news over the phone in my dad’s office. The assistant principal (and a friend of dad’s) saw me, and drove me home.  I got on my bike and took off for a while. I just wanted to be away from pretty much everyone. This was the grandma that I’d stayed with for 1-2 weekend nights each month since I was a baby, and most Christmas and Easter vacations when my folks travelled during elementary and junior high school years.  My grades weren’t good after that, and since dad got my report cards before I did, there was no minimizing the damage. I was miserable.

That year, I’d started with 8 full periods of classes because of drivers’ ed (no lunch break- my mom always thought that missing meals wouldn’t kill me).  One of the English teachers who had hall patrol on the hall where my locker was knew I didn’t look good, and did a depression screening. I flunked. She went to my guidance counsellor, who went to dad.   I was allowed to drop physics, since I had to get my drivers’ license, and had my science requirements done.  I got in trouble for complaining to the teacher… I hadn’t approached her. She had approached me.  I knew to keep my mouth shut about how I felt about anything. That had been made very clear.  I didn’t have anything dreadful to say, but  I was told that because of dad’s job, things could be taken out of context, and that could be bad. So, I shut up as best I could. The depression didn’t really go away, but at least having a lunch break helped with the exhaustion, which did help overall.  Since I had to drop physics in order to be able to function that year, the plan to graduate a year early was screwed up. I’d taken US History (gag) during summer school to get it out of the way- now it was just a wasted summer.

Senior ‘year’ was just more time to be served before getting released early for good behavior.  I finally got out of there at the end of that first semester.  A week later, I was sitting in classes at the community college.  They were basically time-killing classes- philosophy and more of the hated US History. I was headed to the University of Illinois in the fall; the credits would transfer.   I also worked part time at a dollhouse and gift store- that was fun.  I’d given up the over the counter medications. They hadn’t done anything for me, and I was too chicken to try the ‘real’ stuff. I was doing better, but not enjoying much.

During the time in high school, I’d been involved in various clubs- creative writing, American Field Services (foreign exchange student sponsors), track for a brief time until I was asked to run during a meet- I was afraid I’d fail, so quit, and I think that’s it.  I was involved in any foreign language trips that were offered (usually to the Milwaukee -Wisconsin- annual ethnic festival…those were fun)…otherwise, my time was spent babysitting, and going to church activities and choir practices.  I did have a few friends from school with whom I did some things outside of school, but most of my ‘social’ friends were from church.

I did NOT want to go to the graduation ceremony, but wasn’t given a choice. I hadn’t been in class for 4 1/2 months, and life had moved on, but I had to go. My dad handed me my diploma, which was sweet, and there were a lot of cheers and clapping during that moment (now, I appreciate that much more than I did then). At the time, I was just glad it was over.  I think that the murders and my grandma’s death probably had a whole lot to do with why I was so NOT amused by high school.  Nobody really gave me a bad time about being the principal’s kid (aside from the message requests, and those were from people who wrote them in my  yearbook, not talking to me face-to-face). The teachers were OK- nobody treated me any differently, which would have been a nightmare.  I’m still in contact with my Algebra and Geometry teacher.  We’ve stayed in contact over the years.

I hear about how high school is supposed to be the best years of someone’s life.  I hated it.  I’m liking each ‘new’ decade much more than the last one. I’m so glad there isn’t some high school equivalent later in life. I’d drop out.  I’m not a social person. I hate the fake interactions.  I much preferred working my butt off as an RN for the 20 years I was able to work.  Doing something for someone who is going through a rotten time is much more fulfilling than anything in high school was. At least in my experience. I’m glad there are folks out there who enjoyed their high school years.  God blessed you 🙂

Cyber-bullying… When Do Adults Step In?

My cousin’s 18 year old daughter is a really good kid.  She handles herself well, and even as a young kid (when I first met her) she was considerate and sweet.  Even now she sometimes stays with my 98 year old grandmother, to make sure she’s safe at home. While she’s no longer a minor, she’s still in high school and has high school friends.  Yesterday and into this morning, my convictions were tested when one of these FaceBook friends got nasty.  My cousin’s daughter was essentially called arrogant (‘you decided you were better than me’) and this online terrorist kept replying to comments (sometimes to only her own) as my cousin’s daughter was incredibly mature and didn’t feed into the ‘mean girl’s’ taunts.  I posted how proud I was of her.

While the mean girl wasn’t over the top in how she was being mean, it was still mean (and frankly wreaked of immaturity and jealousy) and was on the border of being ‘bullying’.  I posted a link about cyber-bullying, which sent the mean girl into a minor tirade.  I don’t know this kid  (thankfully), but the verbal nastiness was directed at a high school ‘kid’.  As an adult, knowing about the situation, I felt a responsibility to ‘do’ something.  How often are there kids on the news who end up tormented by these online brats, and nobody does anything until the target is so despondent that they withdraw from life (at best; at worst, they take their own lives).  I don’t have any reason to believe that my cousin’s daughter is mentally unstable at all. She’s an active, socially popular high school senior.  She had posted how she was enjoying the beginning of her senior year when the mean girl butted in.

So, where do adults come in with this type of situation?  I certainly didn’t want to make anything worse, but at the same time felt a responsibility to say something to her dad (via a FaceBook message) simply to make him aware (and let him know how proud I was of her handling of the situation).  I also let the brat know that I was older than my cousin (the mother of who she was demeaning), and was going to take this to an adult level. This was after being told I should mind my own business ( I think she thought I was a teenager).

Was this the right thing to do?  If I had a high school aged kid, I’d want to know if one of their ‘friends’ was being nasty to them, even if only to put that person into the proper frame of reference, and nothing else.  IF there had been a concern about anyone’s safety, it’s a no-brainer, but it wasn’t to that point.   I’m sure my cousin’s daughter is a balanced young woman, but she’s also being targeted.  I get protective. I’ve worked with kids who have been bullied (often by parents in the setting I worked), and it does cause them pain.

Kids don’t realize that they are taken seriously when they start being nasty- for some, it’s no big deal (the mean girl had no clue how referring to someone as ‘arrogant’ was demeaning). It’s no joke anymore.  If I hadn’t said something, and say the mean girl started getting more menacing, I’d feel horrible.  I knew about it before it got ‘bad’.

To my cousin’s daughter (if she reads this):  You are a class act young woman, and handled yourself beautifully.  I’m sorry that the ‘mean girl’ publicly referred to you as ‘deciding you were better than her’.  Your side of the situation makes perfect sense, about going in different directions and not having classes together. In high school things change  a lot.  In 20 years, this mean girl will probably be only a blip on your memory.  “Best friends” don’t treat each other like she’s treating you- whether you’re no longer friends or not, and your level of maturity is impressive.  I’m proud to call you family.

And nobody knows who I am on the blog- so you’re still ‘safe’ 🙂

EDIT:  Now the bully posted a threat (to myself and another friend of my cousin’s daughter); reported threat to FaceBook. Even knowing I’m an adult, she told me to put the cyber-bullying stuff  “up your ass”, and used the word ‘threat’. Nice. She moved herself from a Dr. Phil status to Jerry Springer.  She’s now the ‘victim’ for being called out on bullying.  Sad, miserable kid.  I’m so glad she’s not mine.