It’s amazing the amount of power that ‘choice’ offers. For decades, I’ve been fighting every medical diagnosis and disaster, and in the end, that is what my life has become. I just wait for the next shoe to drop…and that is exhausting. With the chaos of trying to get my gallbladder removed, and the negligent degree to which the doctors didn’t hear a word I said (or cancelled an appointment, so I couldn’t tell them), I’m done dealing with “professionals” who don’t have the basic assessment skill of simply listening. On August 6th, I’ll officially have more options. With “palliative” listed, it will help so I’m not seen as non-compliant. The armpit of medical science that is this town will have far less control over what does or does NOT happen to this body. There’s a person attached to it that is tired of being irrelevant in my own care.
With palliative, I can get things diagnosed and/or treated- or not. I don’t ever have to have tests for more bad news. It’s unlikely I’d go through with much in the way of treatment with no dad in the picture. So why spend any more time wondering, worrying, and waiting? It doesn’t make sense anymore. And with that comes a bit of calm. I’ve also tried some different types of medical cannabis, which is acceptable in palliative care. If nothing else, I can get some sleep at night. But knowing that I can ditch a bunch of doctors, and live life on MY terms is empowering, and gives me a bit of hope in a city where ‘hope’ and ‘medical care’ are seldom associated.